One Thing Remains...

Hello, friends!
It's been such a long time since I've blogged! I've been traveling across the world and back! My travels have finally settled and I am now home in Minnesota with STORIES TO TELL.
Where do I start? I haven't stopped traveling since before December 27. That's 2 full months of travel...I got home to Minnesota on February 27. Wow!
I started my adventures in Kansas City, MO by attending Onething 2011: an annual conference put on by IHOP, the biggest International House of Prayer in the Midwest. If you've never heard of Onething, please look it up! It was such an incredible time of fellowship with my God and my friends! I can't imagine a better way to usher in 2012 than to be worshiping the King of kings and Lord of lords on Dec. 31 at midnight. I really fell in love with IHOP and Kansas City during that time. I can't wait to make my way back!
From Kansas City, my friends and I made our way back to Tyler, Texas, to prepare for our Outreaches! What a beautiful few days on the base. I said goodbye to my dear friends, my YWAM family, and packed my bags for Dallas!
My Outreach began with 4 days in Dallas and a week and a half in Houston doing a lot of homeless and street ministry. It was a new experience for me to put on things like church in the streets and hanging out with homeless people, but it was so precious and valuable to me. I soaked up every second on those streets and every ministry I got to serve. I can't even really begin to tell you how blessed I was by just getting to experience the brokenness of America. Drug addicts, prostitutes, alcoholics, homeless, street kids and orphans, young and old...I met and fell in love with them all. God's heart for the lost and hungry was beating in my own chest. What an honor it is to share his heart!
But Dallas and Houston were only the beginning of a beautiful communion of my heartbeat and His. After 2 weeks of Stateside Outreach, my team of 22 set off for India.
Traveling around India for 4 weeks was one of the biggest honors of my life. What an honor that God would call ME to such a place, for such a time as then. I was completely overwhelmed by His goodness and love the entire time. Without going into detail, I am just overjoyed to say that I got to be part of God's love for India: my hands have orchestrated and my eyes have seen the healing power of God countless times; casting out demons and ministering to orphans; weeping with widows and feeding the homeless; the testimonies are too many to name and almost too overwhelming to comprehend.
Please, please ask me to tell you stories. I absolutely LOVE talking about what God has done and is doing in India and in my life.

And alas! I have decided to move. I am taking a new direction, a new fork in the road; and with this new direction has come a new blog. So here's my brand new site, as I will no longer be using this one.
http://thedepthofhisheart.wordpress.com/

Thank you all so much for following my journey thus far...I am so grateful for all your support and love. Let's continue to walk deeper into His presence; let's find out just how deep His heart really is....

Praising Him for Barnes&Noble

Every Tuesday night is Small Groups night.
I love my Small Group. We have the best Small Group out of all the DTS. It's a fact.

So tonight to get off the base, we drove into the nearest city, Tyler, and hung out at Barnes&Noble. Our assignment was to pick out 3 books which best describe who we are individually and then share them with the group so we can all admire one another and the desires and dreams and giftings God has given us.

The first book I picked out was a compilation book of all the wonderful things C.S. Lewis has written about Aslan in his Chronicles of Narnia series. I LOVE ASLAN. And I love love love C.S. Lewis. Anyway, I knew the other 2 books I wanted were books about music and travel.

An employee overheard my difficulty finding the Travel and Music sections, so he offered to escort me in the direction I needed. I gratefully accepted.
My new friend led me to the Travel/Music section (they are combined, how convenient!) and I thanked him. Then he asked me about my interest in travel. That question was the spark of a flame that would end up being a 10 minute conversation: two strangers talking about travels, the future, the past, and life itself. It was so beautiful! I walked away from that conversation with electricity coursing through my veins.
I love people.
People need people. It's a profound, revolutionary thought. So simple. So true.

I then walked over to the cafe area with my 3 books to join my group of beautiful, dear friends who had their 3 books to share. I ordered my coffee and blueberry muffin, sat down with the 9 ladies I love most, and smiled. The joy of the Lord was present in this place.

We went around in a circle and shared why we chose our 3 books and how they relate to our personalities; oh, how beautiful a time it was! It only lasted about 20 minutes, but something powerful and precious happened in that time. We began to realize the beauty of God's placement of each young woman in this group and how creative and wonderful our personalities are!

The drive home was the perfect, chocolate icing on the cake. I just started talking about how thankful I was that God allowed me to have such a cool conversation with the Barnes&Noble employee, but expressed how sad I was that I didn't ask what his name was! Brittany said, "It's ok, God knows his name!" and that began a quick prayer I said aloud for my new friend, to bless him and praise God for him. After that, the four of us in my car began to gush and literally get teary-eyed at the love of God. The presence of the joy of the Lord was so thick in the car and was so heavy on our hearts. We were squealing like little girls in a candy shop over this simple fact: God loves us SO MUCH.

And that's it! I just needed to get this out and tell the world how much God loves! I'm just oozing with thankfulness and joy.

Glory be.

Peace.

God's Heartbeat

Have you ever read the Bible and suddenly felt like it had a pulse...? The thump-thump, thump-thump is almost so real you can hear it, and so strong that you can feel it in your hands?
Well, if you haven't, let me tell you: It rocked my world!

Besides being a little freaked out by a pulsing Bible in my hands, I could not stop being amazed at the love of God this morning during my Quiet Time.

It all started with Proverbs 4:23.
"Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance and above all that you guard, for out of it flow the springs of life." (AMP)
I stared at this verse for a good couple of minutes before even praying or thinking about it. Just stared at it... and remembered that this verse had a very different meaning for me over a year ago. I had just spent an entire summer at Camp hearing this verse every single day, constantly being reminded by God to keep my heart guarded above all else. And after spending that summer assuming that my heart was as guarded as it was gonna get, I suddenly plunged into a world of confusion and hurt. Let's just say I quickly realized what can happen when your heart isn't kept and guarded.
The mercy God has is incredible, and the redemption I've experienced in the past year has been beautiful and freeing. But if God weren't the good, merciful, loving God He is, He would probably have said "I told you so" last October. Loudly. With a parade. And banners that say "This is What You Get!" across them.

Now, over a year later, I'm reading that verse again with new eyes--a new life I've been given and that I'm grateful for every day. And as I'm reading this verse, the Bible begins to softly pulsate in my hands. Then I begin to flip through to some other Books to read something else...but no matter what I read, the message was the same: God is incredibly concerned about the condition of our hearts.

Thump-thump. Thump-Thump.

For some reason, condition of man's heart is of particular interest to our God.
Let me put it another way: God is passionate about our hearts! Think about all the opportunities for repentance He gave in the Old Testament...they're countless. Think about the fact that He sent Jesus (who, being a vital part of the Trinity, left His rightful and deserved place of glory to live as a human for our sake and Salvation). What a heart the Father has.

Did you know that Jesus died of a broken heart? If you read the medical account of Jesus' death, you'll eventually discover that the physical suffering he endured before and during His crucifixion is not what killed Him. His ultimate point of death was in fact when, on the cross, the emotional stress and the literal weight of the world's sin came upon Him. Douglas Jacoby says this: "A combination of shock and suffocation killed most victims of crucifixion, but in Jesus’ case acute heart failure may have been the final trauma. This is suggested by his sudden death following a loud cry, after only a few hours: a quick death, it seems (Pilate was surprised to find Jesus already dead). A fatal cardiac arrhythmia, or perhaps cardiac rupture, are likely candidates." The Holy, Glorious Son was so emotionally stressed that His heart burst.

Did you know that God was so overwhelmingly disappointed in man that He grieved? Genesis 6:6 says that "The Lord was sorry that He had made man on the earth, and He was grieved in His heart." And then He sent a flood. Woah, WHAT? The condition of the hearts of the whole world were that bad?!
Yep.

Except for one.
Noah had the only right heart on earth. So God gave him (and his whole family) mercy! But that mercy came even though His heart was so broken. The people He loved and created, with purposes and value, had completely denied Him. So He came to the point of actually having to remove them from His sight. The Flood was not something God wanted to do, but had to. For His own heart's sake, and for the world's sake. The condition of man's heart, the Bible says, was so utterly wicked and corrupt that God couldn't stand it anymore. Too much violence. Too much corruption. Sound familiar? Look around. What kind of world do we live in? (I could go on and on about injustices and corruption in our world today, but let's save that for another blog, shall we?)

Now before I start to spiral you into a mild form of depression or you start to build your own Ark, let me remind you that we can praise God that He's promised never to wipe out all of mankind like that ever again. Jesus came with a new covenant for us, and we can freely be in relationship with our Maker without fear of sudden, wrathful obliteration. So cool your jets, take a sip of some really good coffee, and let's talk some more about how passionate He is about us.

I love God. I love His 3 persons equally and definitely. I love the ways that God reveals Himself to me and loves on me and comforts me. I even love His correction. Say WHA-?? Yep. I love being corrected by the Holy Spirit. It's another form of God's love. And the more correction He gives, the more fellowship we get to have with Him and the more we become like Jesus! So cool. Like, the more correction I get, the more I see how much He values me. He values the condition of my heart.

Proverbs 4:23 says that from the heart flow the springs of life itself. God, the life-giver, loves when we realize the value of our lives. Man, if we could only understand a fraction of how God feels about this...if we only understood a fraction of what I've even said in this blog...we could change the world.

I encourage you today to press into Jesus' chest, get really up-close and personal with Him, and listen to His heartbeat. What is on His heart? What is the rhythm of his heartbeat? When you're that close to our God, amazing, revolutionary things happen. Try it.

Lord,

How gracious, giving, and loving you are! So my heart will be guarded. Because you value my heart. My heart is everything to you. So it's yours. Yours alone, God, to do what you will. We trust you and love you. With all of us. Thank you God.

Peace.

What Good Can Come From Nazareth?

"Even now, this is the Lord's declaration: Turn to Me with all your heart, with fasting, weeping, and mourning. Tear your hearts, not just your clothes, and return to the Lord your God. For he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger, rich in faithful love, and he relents from sending disaster." Joel 2:12-13 (HCSB)

There are times in which God's people, in a nation facing great national crisis, or moral decline, are commanded by God to drop every denominational, racial, gender, and age barrier and unite together in fasting, prayer, humility, and repentance. America is in such a time.

Our nation is in desperate need of an undeserved mercy from God and another great spiritual awakening. When there's no hope for a nation, when there's no remedy, God still has a holy prescription. 

I had the opportunity this past weekend to spend 24 full hours without food and sleep to simply be in the presence of Jesus and intercede for whatever He wanted me to. I couldn't get enough of it. When the 24 hours was over, I asked for another 24 hours. I could've gone another 24 hours without sleep! That's how simply satisfying our Jesus is.

I've come to realize the importance of prayer and fasting. When you set aside a specific period of time (minutes, hours, days, months, or years) to fully devote yourself to prayer and fasting, God moves. It's a fact. It's as if God is leaning over his heavenly balcony, looking down on us--on Detroit, on the MidWest, on America--connecting his eyes with ours, saying, "Move Me." Those eyes of his, that are filled with fire, are daring us to move him. Can we really move God, the creator of the Universe? Yes, we can! He calls us to! This is how it works: throughout the Bible, God calls his people to sacrifice everything they have to come to repentance. And every time God's people repented, God moved. He did. Look it up. He is faithful and good and wants to see change. He wants to be moved by us.

He wants revival.

Revival is coming, people. Detroit, get ready. There is a special anointing upon that city...the ground is shaking and the air is changing. I'll definitely be back there soon, because I felt a tug to the city when I first got there. I'm going to be part of this revival God has in store. Pray for me, for us who are stepping up to the call to change our nation and bring it back to the One who gave us freedom!

You know, if you're like me, you're probably thinking, "Detroit? Why on earth would God choose Detroit of all places to start a revival? What good can come from Detroit?" I thought this very thing before I got there. I kept saying, "I can't believe I'm going to Detroit for a weekend of prayer. I'd much rather be going to NYC or L.A! What good can come from Detroit? It's so washed up. What a waste." Yeah, I'm that judgmental. But instantly when I thought those things, God reminded me of John 1:46. Jesus is seeking out his disciples, and after he finds Philip, Phil goes to find his buddy Nathanael to tell him that he's found the Messiah, the One they've been waiting for; His name is Jesus, that guy from Nazareth. Nathanael's response was, "Can anything good come out of Nazareth?" Phil simply replied, "Come and see." All I needed to do was "come and see" Detroit to see that even though it's not a shining, glorious city in the U.S., God has big plans to come from it. Remember that our Savior was born in a barn in a tiny town. Our Savior grew up in a dirty, unpopular city. Our Savior used fisherman, lepers, prostitutes, and people on the outskirts to further His Kingdom. God has a thing for using the unpopular and the rejected.
That's what Detroit is, right now. Unpopular and rejected. Stricken with poverty, crime, racism, and injustice. Detroit is exactly what God needs.

So that's a brief, brief summary of The Call last weekend. God is really stirring hearts and shaking lives of young people in our nation...and I'm so, so honored and stoked to be a part of it...

OUTREACH UPDATE:
If you have any interest in supporting me and/or my team, please please please let me know! As of now, I need $2,700 by December 10. It's a big deal, but nothing's too big for my God to handle. I have full trust that I'll have that support.

The things I'm learning here in Discipleship Training School every day are absolutely revolutionary to the way I'm going to live the rest of my life. I wish I could blog about every single sermon I hear, every class period I sit in on, every revelation God gives me, and every experience my friends go through. If you guys could only see the ways God is moving...

Don't hesitate to email me, call me, text me, anything! I miss and love you guys, and I really want you all to hear about the things I'm learning! If you have questions about Detroit, The Call, the upcoming revival, or anything else I've said, please ask :)

Peace.

the call.

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

This is a gathering place for the nations. 

The "melting pot."

There's a reason. 

I pray we realize why it is here that all people gather to be free. 

ONE NATION. ONE PEOPLE. UNDER GOD.

I pray I seek my place in this country. I trust You, God.


Above is a little excerpt from my journal I scribbled as we were corporately praying for the U.S. on Monday morning.

Well, tomorrow (Thursday) morning at 6:30 a.m. I will be ready to jump in a van and drive for 24 hours up to Detroit, MI. I'm so, so excited! The Call is an opportunity for Americans to gather together in one place and lift up our nation, our home, in much-needed prayer. I have a video of how it began in my previous blog post.
I'm just so stoked!!
I'm also very excited to come back on Sunday and relay to you guys everything that happens this weekend. I'm sure that's a blog post you won't want to ignore!

So, if you would, please pray for my classmates and I as we head up north tomorrow morning. We won't get the conveniences of beds OR showers, so pray for our heath and our spirits...that they're as lifted up as possible (even in a crowded van full of 20-somethings who haven't showered in 4 days)! :)

And if you get the chance, check out my India Newsletter on facebook!

Peace.

Break My Heart For What Breaks Yours...

Friends!
Today is an absolutely gorgeous day. The weather here in Texas is getting chilly in the mornings and evenings, and mid-day is a beautiful, comfortable, sunny temperature of 70 degrees. It's definitely not a Minnesota November, but I'm content :) (I'm still praying for a white Christmas down here...join me if you'd like! Texas needs all the prayer it can get!)

This week was Ministry Prep Week here at YWAM Tyler, which means all 3 outreach teams are preparing and sharpening the skills and activities we'll need when we go on outreach. We've been learning dramas, mini skits, VBS programs, hip-hop dances, children's sports, and have also learned how to prepare and share our testimonies with different types of people in different situations. My assignments for outreach are to be part of the hip-hop team and the children's activities team. This means 2 things: one is that my secret, life-long dream of being a hip-hop dancer is coming true (eeek! so excited!), and the second thing is that I'll be doing crafts, braiding hair, painting faces, and just tangibly loving on the Indian girls and boys that don't necessarily care to be a part of the sports activities and just want to chill (which is exactly my personality, as well!). So this week has been incredibly tiring, and a lot of us are physically worn out, but it's so worth it. I'm very excited to see how we can use our new talents and skills to represent a little bit of Jesus' love to the 3 countries we're visiting.

This morning, my OutreachTeam and I popped popcorn, cracked open cans of Mountain Dew, and sat in front of a television to watch Slumdog Millionaire together. Here's a little clip from the beginning of the movie, just click on the link:
(this movie is rated R for language, a little violence, and simply the harsh reality of life in the slums)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OgZ399tSsQo&feature=related

Did you watch it?
I cried.
I've seen this movie before. But now that I'm watching it with the reality of me actually being there hit me hard. And it broke my heart. I'm not sure where my heart was when I watched it for the first time, but now that my heart has been begging God to break for the things that break His heart, I completely lost it watching that clip. The way children live in the slums of India breaks God's heart. The way they live in constant fear and have little freedom to live as children breaks God's heart. The evil and violence and cruelty that goes on in the middle of streets breaks God's heart. The dirty, disgusting, filthy wasteland parents are forced to raise their children in breaks God's heart.
And I'm going to see it with my eyes.
Jesus sees it with His eyes...every single day. 

Every day, I get the undeserving privelege of looking waking up in a bed with clean sheets and a fluffy pillow. I get to look out the window and decide what is appropriate to wear based on the temperature. I get to walk outside and look at this beautiful Texan ranch and walk to a meal consisting of all food groups and clean water. The beauty of the scenery and the comfort of the atmosphere in this place is utterly overwhelming compared to what exists in the life of a 20 year old girl in Mumbai.
.

Another awesome privilege I get to experience is The Call next weekend. Check out this video:

We are leaving next Thursday in vans and heading up to Detroit for the weekend. Please pray for us as we prepare our hearts and gather our funds for this awesome event. And maybe consider coming yourself! Don't pass up an opportunity to pray for our Nation...I'm really excited to see what God does when his people pray next weekend.
But prayer doesn't need to be a scheduled event of epic proportions. You can be praying right now and God will move in just as big of ways as he does when 50,000 people are gathered in a football stadium. It's about heart and motive.
Oh, and I learned a thing or two from Justin Bieber (yes, Justin Bieber) the other day, watching his music video, Pray. Prayer doesn't start with you blabbing out the first thing you think of to God. Prayer is about being close to His heart and listening to Him first. Listen to what He has to say to you today. Listen to what He wants you to pray about.

God speaks in the silence of the heart; listening is the beginning of prayer.

Silence your heart today. Listen for what God has to tell you. If you're bold, ask Him to give you the things that break His heart...

 

peace.

Seek. 24/7.

Well, Plumbline week is over, and with the end of that week quickly started our Week of 24/7 Prayer.
Plumbline went so well--thank you so much for praying! God really freed us from a lot of hurt and bondage we've been holding on to. Repentance and renewal are beautiful things. Humility is huge. And true repentance is true humility.
I learned a whole lot about myself last week. And I was set free from so much tension, bitterness, rejection, shame, pride, and hurt I've had basically my whole life--most without even knowing it was there.
It's a struggle for me to admit my weaknesses; I've spent a lifetime trying to convince the world that I'm strong, confident, and capable. But that doesn't leave any room for Jesus to move and work, does it? One (out of many!) of the things God told me last week is that it's necessary to expose my weakness. Jesus said, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" (2 Corinthians 12:10). So I'm learning to humble myself and allow Jesus' strength to replace my weakness. I'm giving up my own strength.
It would take an overwhelming amount of time to write out all the prophecies, visions, and dreams God has revealed for my life in the past week. (I would love to share them with you sometime, though. Get in touch with me, we'll talk about them!) But I would like to share the most recent revelation I've been having.
The past few days have been filled with 24/7prayer. That means that our Prayer Chapel is never empty. Every minute of every hour for 7 days there is always a person or a group of people in that room praying earnestly and diligently. As an individual, I am required to fill out 2 hours of prayer in the chapel myself, and as a large group we pray 3-4 hours each day there. So I'm in the prayer chapel about 6 hours or more every day this week. It's so great. :) God is really moving and revealing so much...It's such an awesome privilege to be a part of God's heart and will. So one of the things that God's been telling me personally is just to seek Him. I've felt such a burden since I've gotten here to start researching and studying the life of Jesus. And after Plumbline week being set free of a lot of blockages and hindrances to my relationship with my Father, I now feel like I can truly seek a daughter-father relationship with God. So in order to do that, I want to start learning everything I can about who God is and what He's like. I want to get to know Him, since He already knows everything about me. So as I pray and begin daily conversation with Him, I am now also pursuing a daily study of His Son. In John 8, after Jesus explains that He is the Light of the World, He then says, "If you knew me, you would know my Father also." Reading those words really hit home for me. I've been crying out to God for relationship with Him for so long: "I want to know you, God. I want to be close to you. Reveal who you are to me, Lord." Then I read Jesus' words and got it. God sent Jesus so that I would know the character of Himself. "Whoever believes in me, believes not in me but in him who sent me. And whoever sees me sees him who sent me. I have come to the world as light, so that whoever believes in me may not remain in darkness" (John 12:44-46).
So, with that in mind, I've been praying about how to pursue a personal study on Jesus. And while my heart has been stirring about this, God keeps saying that I just need to draw near. I got two anonymous sheets of paper the other day. One said "KELSEY RIELAND: SEEK. MATTHEW 7:7-12" and the other had a vision God gave them for me. And I would (once again) like to type out my journal entries about these sheets of paper so you can see for yourself how God is waorking for and through me:

Oct. 24,  Evening Prayer Chapel

Ok, so maybe someone had this vision. I'm going to write it out. God, please speak or show me what I need to know through this if it is from you. 

Train tracks. A white picket fence is the barrier keeping someone from going onto the tracks. Suddenly the gate opens and Jesus is there with a smile on his face. That's it.

Ahh, so many visions for me to pray about. So many as in two. But what do they mean? God, why am I hearing things I don't understand?

Seek. Ok so I'm supposed to seek. Matthew 6:33 says to seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness. Then Matthew 7:7 says seek and I will find. God said to Solomon, "if my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and forgive their sin and heal their land" (2 Chronicles 7:14). And Jeremiah 29:10-14 says that God has plans for the future, and when I call on his name and seek him, I will find him.


I'm not really sure what happened to the bottom half of this post! It somehow disappeared! I'll try to revive it and get it back up as soon as possible! Sorry for the inconvenience! 

Plumbline

Today is the beginning of Plumbline Week here at YWAM, Tyler.
That means today was the first day I've ever heard of a plumb line. If you're like me and have no idea what a plumb line is, here's what I learned this morning: a plumb line is a physical means of determining how straight an upright wall is or needs to be. Here's an example of a plumb line:

So this week is dedicated to God's plumb line: God's heart. His heart is what keeps us grounded. The closer we are to His heart, the more solid we are able to stand. And so we're going to be searching our hearts deeply for the next few days...I don't know exactly what it's going to look like, but I'm excited about the revelation and restoration God has planned for me.

Outreach update: We've had a meeting or two already, and we really don't have any plans set in stone yet, but one thing I would like you guys to pray for me for would be my passport. My team can't buy our plane tickets until member of my team and I update our passports. And the sooner we buy our plane tickets, the cheaper they'll be. And updating my passport means making a trip to Dallas, which is about 2 hours away. Please pray that I find time to make the trip sometime this week with our insane schedule; pray that I am able to get a ride up to Dallas...since I don't have a car; pray that I (and my friend Tyler) can update our passports without a hitch; and pray that we can buy the cheapest plane tickets as quickly as possible.

And pray that this week would bring unity and strength within my DTS class. Satan really doesn't like the direction we're moving and the things God wants to show us, so we're physically, mentally, and spiritually going through trials right now. Covering us in prayer would really do a lot! Pray for the bondages Satan has in our lives as individuals would completely break...we want to experience the fullness of God in this place. 

Since I'm pumping out the prayer requests, please pray for Brittany, too. This is a hard week for her; just pray that the comfort and peace of God surrounds her during this time.

Thanks everyone! Love y'all!

The Journey Continues.

Ok, so I've had a few revelations about myself and about God and about life today. And rather than attempt to explain how my mind has wrapped around each one of them (there are more than a few!), I've decided to share something very inimate and personal with you today. I'm going to type out, word for word, my journal entry from my morning Quiet Time and then later my thoughts during morning Worship and class. Today is a very monumental day in history (for...many reasons). So are you ready? Here goes trusting you with my heart...

I'm reading Habakkuk and remembering the place I was in a year ago. I was hard-hearted and weak, but pretending to be sensetive and strong. And I went through phases in the past year, just like Habakkuk, who first cried out in desperation and anger. "How long, O Lord, must I call for help, but you do not listen?" was my cry. And God whispered all the time, "Look at the nations and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe." And I would ignore and question Him some more. And He would say, "The righteous will live by faith. Let all the earth be silent before me." My mind was hardly ever silent. Until the day I got on my face and said, "I stand in awe of your deeds, O Lord. Renew them in our day, in our time make them known; in wrath remember mercy. Though life crumbles and all I know to be true gets stripped away, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in my Savior. The sovereign Lord is my strength." Now all I wanna do is constantly be in awe of You, God. Jesus, Lamb of God, worthy is Your Name. I want to know all about your love, God. I want to know what it means to truly love you and be loved by you. I want to love like you do. 

Lord, forgive me. I've pursued every kind of relationship but one with you. Show me, tell me, how. How you love me, O God. Thank you for showing me my weakness, God. I'm amazed by you. I desire you, God. I desire relationship with you. YOUR love is all I need. Not anyone else's. You and me, God. Give me joy and peace that only you can give. I'm alive in you. I'm ALIVE in you. How wide, how deep, how great is your love. Thank you for renewal of purity, God. I don't deserve it. You love me. (here God brought to my attention 1 John 1:9 and 1 John 2:15-17).

Come as you are to the cross. 

"This is how we know we love the children of God: by loving God and carrying out his commands. This is love for God: obeying his commands. And his commands are not burdensome, for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God. This is the one who came by water and blood--Jesus Christ." 1John 5:1-6.

I gave in and read Nahum as I have been avoiding it all morning. I was weary of reading all the terrible things..all the anger of God. But He says it's because he's JEALOUS. He's jealous for our attention and love and worship. He's slow to anger and great in power, but He won't leave the guilty unpunished. He is good, a refuge in times of trouble, and he cares for those who trust in Him, but his wrath will soon come with an overwhelming flood. Lord, I want to flood the world with your love. Have mercy for a little while longer! Let us love as you have loved us, we cry!

Dancing. I want to dance with you, God. Call out the steps. Whisper in my ear. Give me the ears to hear the steps you need me, you desire me to take! I stand in purity before you. Thank you, God, for your love and mercy and confidence in me. Thank you for breaking down my pride!

That's my heart. Do with it what you will, but where is yours? What is God saying to you today?

Peace.

On Love and Outreach

If I speak human or angelic languages but do not have love, I am a sounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 

If I have the gift of prophecy and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith so that I can move mountains but do not have love, I am nothing. 

And if I donate all my goods to feed the poor, and if I give my body in order to boast but do not have love, I gain nothing. 

Love is patient, love is kind. Love does not envy, is not boastful, is not conceited, does not act improperly, is not selfish, is not provoked, and does not keep a record of wrongs. Love finds no joy in unrighteousness but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.

But as for prophecies, they will come to an end;

as for languages, they will cease;

as for knowledge, it will come to an end.

For we know in part, and we prophesy in part. But when the perfect comes, the partial will come to an end.

When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man [or woman], I put aside childish things. For now we see indistinctly, as in a mirror, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I will know fully, as I am fully known. 

Now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.

-1 Corinthians 13

But I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart will rejoice in your salvation.

-Psalm 13:5

Blessed be the Lord, who has not left you this day without a redeemer.

-Ruth 14:4

I've learned a few cool things today. And it's only 2:30 so far. I have so much more to learn. Today and in the next 5 months. These are some key truths that pierced my heart today: 

1. I am fully known (by God) even though I don't know all of Him or all of His ways.

2. Without love, nothing would matter. Nothing would exist. 

3. I am completely inadequate when it comes to my ability to love...If I put my name in the place where the word "love" shows up in 1 Corinthians 13, it would all be a lie. I've hardly ever been patient, kind, etc....

4. Someday I will get to see the meaning of true love and the extent of God's glory in full, not just in part like I do now on earth. 

5. God's love is steadfast. It doesn't change. IT. DOESN'T. CHANGE. 

6. God's love is enough to for him to sit and watch the blood of his own Son pour out...so that it may redeem the rest of us. He has not left us without a redeemer. 

7. God's covenant with us (after sending Jesus) is a serious, intense matter. Along the same lines or moreso than a bond of marriage.

8. The bond/covenant of marriage is something I can't fully understand. I know last year at this time I had no regard for what marriage really is. Lord, forgive me for my ignorance to the beauty of your covenant. 

9. There is no situation that He cannot redeem.

Aside from learning a lot about love in the past few days in class, I've been praying pretty hardcore about the country God wants me to go on Outreach. I'll tell you the official decision in a few days, but I want to share with you the scriptures He showed me when pursuing this decision:

A voice says, "Cry!"

And I said, "What shall I cry?"

All flesh is grass, and all beauty is like the flower of the field. 

The grass withers, the flower fades when the breath of the Lord blows in it; 

Surely the people are grass.

The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever. 

Get you up to a high mountain, O Zion, herald of good news; 

Lift up your voice with strength, O Jerusalem, herald of good news; 

Lift it up, fear not;

-Isaiah 40:6-9

God said,

"Do not say, 'I am only a youth'; for to all to whom I send you, you shall go, and whatever I command you, you shall speak. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you to deliver you."

-Jeremiah 1:7-8

I'm going to need a voice of strength. I'll need to put aside my fear of being "too young" to share God's love with the people I meet. I'll get the chance to proclaim God's glory as on a mountain high. Ahh, I love the Isaiah verse so much. And I love when he says, "Lift it up, fear not." So that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to lift up my voice, and say whatever he commands me to say, without fear. Instead of fear, I will have love. What I'm doing, who I am, where I'm going would all be worthless without love. God, help me love the people of the country you're sending me to...

Start the drumroll, people. I'm so excited to share my Outreach destination with you! Wait patiently. The time is coming...

Peace.