The Journey Continues.

Ok, so I've had a few revelations about myself and about God and about life today. And rather than attempt to explain how my mind has wrapped around each one of them (there are more than a few!), I've decided to share something very inimate and personal with you today. I'm going to type out, word for word, my journal entry from my morning Quiet Time and then later my thoughts during morning Worship and class. Today is a very monumental day in history (for...many reasons). So are you ready? Here goes trusting you with my heart...

I'm reading Habakkuk and remembering the place I was in a year ago. I was hard-hearted and weak, but pretending to be sensetive and strong. And I went through phases in the past year, just like Habakkuk, who first cried out in desperation and anger. "How long, O Lord, must I call for help, but you do not listen?" was my cry. And God whispered all the time, "Look at the nations and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe." And I would ignore and question Him some more. And He would say, "The righteous will live by faith. Let all the earth be silent before me." My mind was hardly ever silent. Until the day I got on my face and said, "I stand in awe of your deeds, O Lord. Renew them in our day, in our time make them known; in wrath remember mercy. Though life crumbles and all I know to be true gets stripped away, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in my Savior. The sovereign Lord is my strength." Now all I wanna do is constantly be in awe of You, God. Jesus, Lamb of God, worthy is Your Name. I want to know all about your love, God. I want to know what it means to truly love you and be loved by you. I want to love like you do. 

Lord, forgive me. I've pursued every kind of relationship but one with you. Show me, tell me, how. How you love me, O God. Thank you for showing me my weakness, God. I'm amazed by you. I desire you, God. I desire relationship with you. YOUR love is all I need. Not anyone else's. You and me, God. Give me joy and peace that only you can give. I'm alive in you. I'm ALIVE in you. How wide, how deep, how great is your love. Thank you for renewal of purity, God. I don't deserve it. You love me. (here God brought to my attention 1 John 1:9 and 1 John 2:15-17).

Come as you are to the cross. 

"This is how we know we love the children of God: by loving God and carrying out his commands. This is love for God: obeying his commands. And his commands are not burdensome, for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God. This is the one who came by water and blood--Jesus Christ." 1John 5:1-6.

I gave in and read Nahum as I have been avoiding it all morning. I was weary of reading all the terrible things..all the anger of God. But He says it's because he's JEALOUS. He's jealous for our attention and love and worship. He's slow to anger and great in power, but He won't leave the guilty unpunished. He is good, a refuge in times of trouble, and he cares for those who trust in Him, but his wrath will soon come with an overwhelming flood. Lord, I want to flood the world with your love. Have mercy for a little while longer! Let us love as you have loved us, we cry!

Dancing. I want to dance with you, God. Call out the steps. Whisper in my ear. Give me the ears to hear the steps you need me, you desire me to take! I stand in purity before you. Thank you, God, for your love and mercy and confidence in me. Thank you for breaking down my pride!

That's my heart. Do with it what you will, but where is yours? What is God saying to you today?

Peace.