The Journey Continues.

Ok, so I've had a few revelations about myself and about God and about life today. And rather than attempt to explain how my mind has wrapped around each one of them (there are more than a few!), I've decided to share something very inimate and personal with you today. I'm going to type out, word for word, my journal entry from my morning Quiet Time and then later my thoughts during morning Worship and class. Today is a very monumental day in history (for...many reasons). So are you ready? Here goes trusting you with my heart...

I'm reading Habakkuk and remembering the place I was in a year ago. I was hard-hearted and weak, but pretending to be sensetive and strong. And I went through phases in the past year, just like Habakkuk, who first cried out in desperation and anger. "How long, O Lord, must I call for help, but you do not listen?" was my cry. And God whispered all the time, "Look at the nations and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe." And I would ignore and question Him some more. And He would say, "The righteous will live by faith. Let all the earth be silent before me." My mind was hardly ever silent. Until the day I got on my face and said, "I stand in awe of your deeds, O Lord. Renew them in our day, in our time make them known; in wrath remember mercy. Though life crumbles and all I know to be true gets stripped away, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in my Savior. The sovereign Lord is my strength." Now all I wanna do is constantly be in awe of You, God. Jesus, Lamb of God, worthy is Your Name. I want to know all about your love, God. I want to know what it means to truly love you and be loved by you. I want to love like you do. 

Lord, forgive me. I've pursued every kind of relationship but one with you. Show me, tell me, how. How you love me, O God. Thank you for showing me my weakness, God. I'm amazed by you. I desire you, God. I desire relationship with you. YOUR love is all I need. Not anyone else's. You and me, God. Give me joy and peace that only you can give. I'm alive in you. I'm ALIVE in you. How wide, how deep, how great is your love. Thank you for renewal of purity, God. I don't deserve it. You love me. (here God brought to my attention 1 John 1:9 and 1 John 2:15-17).

Come as you are to the cross. 

"This is how we know we love the children of God: by loving God and carrying out his commands. This is love for God: obeying his commands. And his commands are not burdensome, for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God. This is the one who came by water and blood--Jesus Christ." 1John 5:1-6.

I gave in and read Nahum as I have been avoiding it all morning. I was weary of reading all the terrible things..all the anger of God. But He says it's because he's JEALOUS. He's jealous for our attention and love and worship. He's slow to anger and great in power, but He won't leave the guilty unpunished. He is good, a refuge in times of trouble, and he cares for those who trust in Him, but his wrath will soon come with an overwhelming flood. Lord, I want to flood the world with your love. Have mercy for a little while longer! Let us love as you have loved us, we cry!

Dancing. I want to dance with you, God. Call out the steps. Whisper in my ear. Give me the ears to hear the steps you need me, you desire me to take! I stand in purity before you. Thank you, God, for your love and mercy and confidence in me. Thank you for breaking down my pride!

That's my heart. Do with it what you will, but where is yours? What is God saying to you today?

Peace.

On Love and Outreach

If I speak human or angelic languages but do not have love, I am a sounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 

If I have the gift of prophecy and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith so that I can move mountains but do not have love, I am nothing. 

And if I donate all my goods to feed the poor, and if I give my body in order to boast but do not have love, I gain nothing. 

Love is patient, love is kind. Love does not envy, is not boastful, is not conceited, does not act improperly, is not selfish, is not provoked, and does not keep a record of wrongs. Love finds no joy in unrighteousness but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.

But as for prophecies, they will come to an end;

as for languages, they will cease;

as for knowledge, it will come to an end.

For we know in part, and we prophesy in part. But when the perfect comes, the partial will come to an end.

When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man [or woman], I put aside childish things. For now we see indistinctly, as in a mirror, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I will know fully, as I am fully known. 

Now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.

-1 Corinthians 13

But I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart will rejoice in your salvation.

-Psalm 13:5

Blessed be the Lord, who has not left you this day without a redeemer.

-Ruth 14:4

I've learned a few cool things today. And it's only 2:30 so far. I have so much more to learn. Today and in the next 5 months. These are some key truths that pierced my heart today: 

1. I am fully known (by God) even though I don't know all of Him or all of His ways.

2. Without love, nothing would matter. Nothing would exist. 

3. I am completely inadequate when it comes to my ability to love...If I put my name in the place where the word "love" shows up in 1 Corinthians 13, it would all be a lie. I've hardly ever been patient, kind, etc....

4. Someday I will get to see the meaning of true love and the extent of God's glory in full, not just in part like I do now on earth. 

5. God's love is steadfast. It doesn't change. IT. DOESN'T. CHANGE. 

6. God's love is enough to for him to sit and watch the blood of his own Son pour out...so that it may redeem the rest of us. He has not left us without a redeemer. 

7. God's covenant with us (after sending Jesus) is a serious, intense matter. Along the same lines or moreso than a bond of marriage.

8. The bond/covenant of marriage is something I can't fully understand. I know last year at this time I had no regard for what marriage really is. Lord, forgive me for my ignorance to the beauty of your covenant. 

9. There is no situation that He cannot redeem.

Aside from learning a lot about love in the past few days in class, I've been praying pretty hardcore about the country God wants me to go on Outreach. I'll tell you the official decision in a few days, but I want to share with you the scriptures He showed me when pursuing this decision:

A voice says, "Cry!"

And I said, "What shall I cry?"

All flesh is grass, and all beauty is like the flower of the field. 

The grass withers, the flower fades when the breath of the Lord blows in it; 

Surely the people are grass.

The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever. 

Get you up to a high mountain, O Zion, herald of good news; 

Lift up your voice with strength, O Jerusalem, herald of good news; 

Lift it up, fear not;

-Isaiah 40:6-9

God said,

"Do not say, 'I am only a youth'; for to all to whom I send you, you shall go, and whatever I command you, you shall speak. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you to deliver you."

-Jeremiah 1:7-8

I'm going to need a voice of strength. I'll need to put aside my fear of being "too young" to share God's love with the people I meet. I'll get the chance to proclaim God's glory as on a mountain high. Ahh, I love the Isaiah verse so much. And I love when he says, "Lift it up, fear not." So that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to lift up my voice, and say whatever he commands me to say, without fear. Instead of fear, I will have love. What I'm doing, who I am, where I'm going would all be worthless without love. God, help me love the people of the country you're sending me to...

Start the drumroll, people. I'm so excited to share my Outreach destination with you! Wait patiently. The time is coming...

Peace.

School of His Eternal Glory

I'm HERE. 

The huge, blue Texas sky is full of sunshine, and the temperature is a warm (but not sticky!) 88 degrees. (sidenote: they say everything's bigger in Texas, and so far I agree with that when I look at the sky at night...man how the sky glitters and shines in every direction with those stars.)

Well, if you're wondering how travels went, look at Brittany's blog! She posted on the smoothness of our travels and how God has had His hand in all we've done to get here so far. I'm still a little speechless about it. (here's her blog, check it out! http://brittanyschwantz.blogspot.com/2011/09/texas.html?spref=fb)

So, I had hoped to take lots of pictures the first couple of days to have them on my first blog post, but we've been so stinkin' busy I haven't even thought about the fact that I have a camera--aside from random pictures with my phone that I've uploaded straight to Facebook. I'm hoping I'll have some pics up in here for y'all next time. (the y'all was a joke, people. a joke.) Brittany doesn't have a camera, so I'll get you some pictures she wants to share with you guys too.

I am currently sitting in a little cafe/lounge called The Substation drinking probably the best chocolate-banana smoothie I've ever dreamed of having. YUMM! I'm gonna savor it as much as I can, though, because starting tomorrow at this time instead of blogging and junk-fooding, I'm going to be working out in the weight-room we have here on campus. I'm really excited about that. It's definitely one of MANY prayers God answered in me coming here, so I'm going to try to honor Him in utilizing it as much as possible. At this moment most of my new friends/classmates are on their "work duty." We are each assigned special work projects to take care of every day here on campus (so that we don't have to pay someone on the outside to do it, and to build up our servant's hearts). My work duty is to clean the main office building with 5 others. We dust desks and vacuum floors and windex windows in the offices of the full-time staff who bless us every day by doing the behind the scenes office work. None of this would be here without them, so I'm grateful for the chance to bless the people in places like Accounting, even if only for an hour, by cleaning their office. My work duty is at 6pm every day, unlike most who start at 1pm.
Our daily schedule has been packed full of new information and crazy adjustment, but today I'm finally starting to feel like this is an adjustment I CAN make. Praise God.

I'm going to be honest with you: I wasn't really excited about this whole thing when I got here. I was so stinkin' excited in the days leading up to last Sunday, and on the plane/bus ride here I couldn't contain my anticipation giggles. But once I got my stuff unpacked into my tiny room, I was completely overwhelmed and very unsure of this whole thing for the next 24 hours or so. I didn't feel like I could belong and that everyone else was supposed to be here but me. And with perfect timing, of course, Anna (who is in D.C. right now and will come back to Tyler in a week!) texted me and asked me how I was doing and what I was thinking. "I kinda just wanna hide under a rock and dig my way home to MN," I replied. Then she assured me that everyone around me probably feels the same. And I'm coming to realize that's true. So I'm beginning to open up and be myself with the people around me now and am really excited about the friendships God is fusing together already.

There are  47 of us in my DTS class. That's a lot of names, faces, and personalities! I was incredibly overwhelmed on Sunday and Monday. But we're starting to get the hang of each other's names and are beginning to recognize some staff members as well. Today we got put into Small Groups, and I'm very excited about mine. There are 8 of us; Brittany and I are in the same group! I'm incredibly excited to see what God has in store for my friendship with her...she and Trent have blessed me in countless ways in the past 3 days, I can only imagine what else they can teach me in the next 5 months. I'm so honored that God has allowed me to be part of this time in their lives.

Gah, there is just so much to share!
I want some feedback: what do you guys want me to write about? Because I could either write about the physical and technical aspects of what I'm doing here on a daily basis, or I could just dive in deep and get into what I'm learning and what's going on in my heart. You guys are the ones who read this, so what would you like to hear? I desire to share both with you as best I can...but you know how long-winded I can be.... :) I'm going to try my best to have a balance of both. I'm just wondering if you'd like one more than the other? Let me know!

So, if you'd like to physically get a hold of me instead of just reading my silly blogs, here's my contact info!
Calling me: I have my "free time" (which I will usually be spending in the weight room) from 1pm-3:30pm, so if you'd like to chat, try calling me then! Otherwise, I have pretty open Saturdays and evenings during the week.
Texting me: Do it any time, all the time! I may or may not respond right away, but I usually catch them when they come. I'd love to see that notification from you. :)
My address: SEND ME STUFF :) I like it. My US Mail address (it's different for FedEx/UPS) is

Kelsey Rieland YWAM DTS

P.O. Box 3000

Garden Valley, TX 75771

I'd love to hear from you! I miss Minnesota and the people in it. And I'd love to share with you personally what God is doing here and how He's working in my heart.

My specific DTS has a class "name" or theme; we're called the School of His Eternal Glory. The staff has felt like our class was meant for the purpose of God's eternal glory and that we have something untouchable and heavenly to be a part of here. God's doing some really, really cool things guys. The Spirit is stirring and I'm speechless. I'll try to describe it in words to the best of my ability when I get more clarity soon. 

Be in prayer for us as we decide where each of us are going on Outreach this Friday. (We leave for Outreach Jan.2.) Trust me...I'll let you know where I'm going as soon as I find out... :)

Peace.

Listen With Your Heart

I love Disney. It's a simple fact. I don't think I'll ever get sick of those Disney classics.
When I was younger, my 2 favorite classics were The Lion King and Pocahontas. I think the thing I mostly enjoyed about Pocahontas as a child was the music. The musical scenes are enchanting and gripping. An obvious example is The Colors of The Wind. But I particularly have always enjoyed this short musical scene:

I always wanted a Grandmother Willow in my back yard... :)
Anyway, I don't believe in spirits in the way Native Americans do; just to make it clear, I believe in the One True God of the Bible and in His Son Jesus Christ. But I love this scene. Pocahontas is asking how she'll ever find her path. Maybe even at age 6, I knew I could relate to Pocahontas in that. Because now at age 20, I still ask God, "What is my path? How am I ever going to find it?" I've been asking God that for a long time.

Making life decisions makes me wish I had a Grandmother Willow. Whenever I had a decision to make, I would just go sit beneath her wilted branches and ask; then she would sing me a song or give me a compass and I would know what I needed to do. (see http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RSu4hOLYrXk&feature=related from 2:20 on...!).

The leap of faith I'm taking in going to Texas (in 13 days!) for YWAM is huge. And I have confidence and peace about it. So don't think I'm second-guessing that particular life decision. But there have been life-changers in the past that I've not been so confident about.

Relationships are...everything. God is a relational God. We have a relationship with Him, and we have relationships with the people around us.
Relationships are...hard work. Like a garden, they need constant attention, nurture, and care. And I firmly believe that when my relationship with God isn't being properly nurtured, my relationships with people begin to dry up as well. In the past, I have fully relied on my own strength to maintain relationships. And when my own strength failed (with more than one relationship), I gave up. I ran. Oh, what would have happened if I had been fully relied upon God's strength?
But now is not the time for what-ifs and regrets. All I have now is what I'm doing in the present and how I'm going to impact my future.

So for guidance, since there is a limited supply of Grandmother Willow Trees in the world, I turn pages in God's Word. And in my journal.
Before I share a few key Bible verses with you, I want to share something I wrote from one of my journals. My heart was in a beautiful place at the ages of 14 and 15. My 2006 journal is dear to my heart. I read it often to inspire myself...the wisdom and purity on the pages shocks me sometimes. At the end of this journal is an interesting page. Untitled, it just begins, almost like a poem:

"I need a place where I can go to make my world complete. 

I need nothing, though, with the eyes of the Lord. 

I truly believe I have the eyes of a Godly heart. 

Eyes are a powerful tool often misused and taken for granted. 

Eyes, technically, are connected to your brain, which is connected to your heart. This is the function of a worldly body. 

A body of Christ, however, sees first with its heart, then mind, then eyes. -January 1, 2007"

It seemed so simple and natural to me back then. My heart, if it was accurately connected with God's desires, would make all the decisions that my brain wants to make on its own. So I sought to align my heart with God's.
Almost 5 years have passed since I wrote that. I'm working to align my heart with God's again. My eyes and brain have taken over in the past few years. I've strayed away from my heart. I've given my heart away so many times to so many things...now all I want is to hand it over to God.

I know He's the only one who can truly protect my heart. Proverbs 4:23 says: "Guard your heart above all else, for it is the source [wellspring] of life" (CSB). I know now that I can't listen to, follow, or guard my heart without God's help. Life simply isn't able to be lived without first guarding our hearts and aligning them with God's. Eva Liu said, "Some foods will naturally go bad if they aren't preserved; if we need to preserve our resources for later use, we must set them aside intentionally or else they will be used up. Likewise, our hearts have a natural tendency to be given away. Guarding one's heart means to save it for Whom it is meant to be given."  Our hearts are meant for God. Only when He has our heart can it truly be used to its full potential in every other relationship and aspect of our lives.

Proverbs 4 continues, "Let our eyes look forward; fix your gaze straight ahead. Carefully consider the path for your feet, and all your ways will be established" (CSB).
Psalm 37:4-5 says, "Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you your heart's desires. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him, and He will act" (CSB).

So as I continue to run after God's heart, I'll be praying David's prayer...

The Lord is my portion.

I have promised to keep Your words. 

I have sought Your favor with all my heart; 

be gracious to me according to Your promise.

I thought about my ways and have turned my steps back to Your decrees. 

I hurried, not hesitating to keep Your commands.

Lord, the earth is filled with Your faithful love; 

teach me your statutes.

-Psalm 119:57-60, 64

Peace.

Being Who You Are: Salt and Light

"To become new men means losing what we now call 'ourselves.' Out of our selves, into Christ, we must go. His will is to become ours and we are to think His thoughts, to 'have the mind of Christ' as the Bible says. And if Christ is one, and if He is thus to be 'in' us all, shall we not be exactly the same? It certainly sounds like it; but in fact it is not so. It is difficult here to get a good illustration; because, of course, no other two things are related to each other just as the Creator is related to one of His creatures. But I will try two very imperfect illustrations which may give a hint to the truth. Imagine a lot of people who have always lived in the dark. You come and try to describe to them what light is like. You might tell them that if they come into the light that same light would fall on them all and they would all reflect it and thus become what we call visible. Is it not quite possible that they would imagine that, since they were all receiving the same light, and all reacting to it in the same way (i.e. all reflecting it), they would all look alike? Whereas you and I know that the light will in fact bring out, or show up, how different they are. Or again, suppose a person who knew nothing about salt. You give him a pinch to taste and he experiences a particular strong, sharp taste. You then tell him that in your country people use salt in all their cookery. Might he not reply 'In that case I suppose all your dishes taste exactly the same: because the taste of that stuff you have just given me is so srong that it will kill the taste of everything else.' But you and I know that the real effect of salt is exactly the opposite. So far from killing the taste of the egg and the tripe and the cabbage, it actually brings it out. They do not show their real taste till you have added the salt.

The more we get what we now call 'ourselves' out of the way and let Him take us over, the more truly ourselves we become. There is so much of Him that millions and millions of 'little Christs', all different, will still be too few to express Him fully. He made them all. He invented--as an author invents characters in a novel--all the different men that you and I were intended to be. In that sense our real selves are all waiting for us in Him. It is no good trying to 'be myself' without Him. The more I resist Him and try to live on my own, the more I become dominated by my own heredity and upbringing and surroundings and natural desires. In fact what I so proudly call 'Myself' becomes merely the meeting place for trains of events which I never started and which I cannot stop. What I call 'My wishes' become merely the desires thrown up by my phyiscal organism or pumped into me by other men's thoughts or even suggested to me by devils. Eggs and alcohol and a good night's sleep will be the real origins of what I flatter myself by regarding as my own highly personal and discriminating decision to make love to the girl opposite to me in the railway carriage. Propaganda will be the real origin of what I regard as my own personal political ideas. I am not, in my natural state, nearly so much of a person as I like to believe: most of what I call 'me' can be very easily explained. It is when I turn to Christ, when I give myself up to His Personality, that I first begin to have a real personality of my own."

--C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

In Matthew 5, Jesus tells us that we are the "salt of the earth" and the "light of the world." That's who we are. Who we are, who I am, is found in Christ. C.S. Lewis said that "our real selves are all waiting for us in Him."  My real self is waiting for me in Christ.

I feel like I've been really working at discovering "my real self" in Christ. I also feel like it's going to be a life-long process. But if it brings me closer to Christ and who He is, I don't think I'll mind spending my whole life discovering "me." It's going to be a journey. A journey toward Psalm 37:3-7. A journey toward Christ. A journey with Christ. A journey for Christ.

How exciting! :)

Peace.
ps. in case you were wondering, I got my acceptance to YWAM recently! it's official, and I'm in the process of raising money and preparing myself...! yippee!

You Make Me New, You Are Making Me New

There are probably a hundred things I could write to you about today, friends. God is so good. And faithful. I can't get over Him.

Ya know, if you haven't read Psalm 51 before, I'm going to encourage you to do it. Right now. It's a beautiful prayer for restoration. My Bible tells me that this is a psalm of David, written when Nathan came to him after the adultery committed with Bathsheba.

David is an inspiring person. I am inspired by him all the time. I think he and I understand each other; like our brains work the same. His story (read 1 Samuel 16 - 2 Samuel 24) and his psalms never cease to teach me something, touch my life, and open my eyes to who I am and what I need. So I love this psalm. Last summer when I was on summer-long staff at Camp Lebanon, Psalm 51 was something we all had to memorize.

Reading it this summer..."Create a clean heart for me and renew a steadfast spirit within me" takes on a whole new meaning after what has gone on in my life in the past year.

I want to talk about restoration. It's a beautiful thing I've recently been learning about. :)

David wrote Psalm 51 begging God to restore him; to restore the relationship he had with his Creator before he went through such sin and rebellion. And that has become my prayer in the past couple of months. As I continue to pursue the woman God created me to be (with the help of Psalm 37:3-7 and some amazing friends), I've been noticing that I need to keep asking God to restore me or put me back together. I've given up so many huge parts of me and parts of my heart in the past year that, at times, I've lost hope in what God can do with me. What could God possibly do with me now? I'm not whole anymore. I'm broken and used. I forced myself into a pit that God can't even get me out of. As I would say those things to myself, I could feel a check in my spirit saying "You know that's not true. You know God can restore you. Don't limit Him. Just ask."

So I did. I asked. And I think I asked at the perfect time...God's timing is so beautiful...because right after I asked Him to restore my brokenness, I packed up to go be a camp counselor for a week at Lebanon.

Words won't do much justice for what I experienced last week at Camp. It was so incredible! I saw God move in beautiful ways: through me, through the 11 girls in my cabin (go Sweden!), and through the staff I worked alongside. Senior High week is the most anticipated week of the summer for Lebanon staff. We get to change up the schedule, plan surprises, film silly videos, and have the deepest of conversations with campers close to our age. It's a fun, stressful, crazy, moving, changing week for all.
Through all the crazy, I experienced the most rest and peace last week than I have in the past year. God gave me the most amazing girls to counsel. He gave me joy and contentment. He answered prayer. SO MUCH prayer. God is so good.

The Spirit moved. And I love the phrase, "where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." I experienced freedom last week; freedom from my fears, my failures, my doubt, my rebellion, my sin, and myself. And it feels so incredible! All I want to do is be on my knees all the time and thank Him for being so faithful and gracious. In His faithfulness and love, He has shown me what it means to be restored.

Can I get an AMEN?! Woohoo!

I feel ready to move forward now. Like truly ready. I know I've spoken a lot about "moving forward" in my previous blog posts, but all of that was talk within my own strength. I don't operate that way anymore. My strength comes from my Creator now. And it's so crazy good. Seriously: the joy of the Lord is my strength. It's a real thing. So now I feel ready, as I continue to trust in the Lord and do good; to dwell in the land and live securely; to take delight in the Lord and commit my way to Him; to make my righteousness shine like the dawn and be silent before the Lord; and to wait expectantly for him (Psalm 37-3-7), I feel more and more equipped to hop on a plane and go to Texas.

That's right, friends. I have sent in my application to YWAM in Tyler, Texas. I haven't gotten the official acceptance, but I did receive a positive phone call from them a couple of days ago. I'm beaming just thinking about it! I'll provide more details in the future, but if it's truly God's will for me to go, I will be arriving for my YWAM DTS on September 25. :)

Could you pray for me as I move in this direction? I love you all, very much. And I'm so thankful...God has made beautiful things.

Peace.

You Can't. Always Get. What You Want.

I've got a thing for basing my blog posts off of songs.

A friend of mine recently told me something that we've learned from each other. He said, "Get what you need before you try to get what you want." And I chuckled to myself because I immediately started singing the Rolling Stones song in my head. He was being serious, though, and I completely agree with him. It's the only strategy that makes sense; it's the only way to actually get what you want.
As our conversation progressed, we asked each other: What do you want?
I've been asking myself that a lot lately.

But maybe my focus is off.
Maybe I should really be asking myself: What do I need?

Psalm 37:4-5 is a good start. Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him, and He will act.

That's all there is to it...! HE WILL ACT. God will act. He will give me what I need. And after that, He'll give me the desires of my heart. All I need to do is be content in Him. To rest in Him and put my trust in Him, not anybody or anything else.

I feel like I've just had a light bulb moment. It all just makes sense. I've been placing so much of my trust on myself, others, and earthly things that I've started to believe that they can give me what I want and what I think I need. They don't know what I need! God knows.

And placing all your trust into anyone or anything other than God is...a dead-end. And hitting that dead-end hurts. I was in that position of hurt before I heard those words come out of my friend's mouth. Get what you need before you try to get what you want.

So, what do we need? Well I'll spare you the Sunday School answer and just let you ask yourself...what do you really, truly need?

Peace.

Video Killed the Radio Star

Oh-ah-Oh!

Video killed the radio star,
Video killed the radio star...

You're singing it, aren't you? That catchy 1981 hit by The Buggles takes 2 seconds to get stuck in our heads, about a minute to get annoying, and a day or two to stop singing or humming it.
I know I've been singing it for a couple of days.

Really, I can't explain why I usually have a month or more between blog posts. I guess I'm more of a writer than a typer. But my summer so far has been...a transition of sorts. And those types of things are difficult to put into words a lot of the time.

I suppose I should fill you in on how I'm doing with my new diet and exercise system.
Ummm...
Well it's not as...intense as it was when I last blogged. :) Intense, meaning, that when I first started and blogged about it, I was super gung-ho about it and was pretty pumped to start looking and feeling good. And I expected to have off-days and slip-ups. But I didn't expect summer to be so...like summer. Summer is much less structured than any other time of year. More barbeques, bonfires, weddings, and grad parties; less school, breakfast, work, or lunch meetings. To me that equals more junk food. It's everywhere! But despite the temptations (which I have given into much more than I would have liked this summer) I have continued to remember the list I made (in my previous blog post) on how to be more healthy.
And I feel healthier. I feel healthy which I'm positive makes me look healthy. I know I didn't look or feel healthy at all last May and the months leading up to it. I was about to hit a slippery slope of declining health and medical issues that I wasn't ready for. So I thank God for this summer and my opportunity to take it easy and really focus on my health and what I'm doing for and to my body.
"You...have a new glow about you," my doctor said to me last week. "I'm speechless. I feel like I'm looking at someone completely different than whoever walked into my office 2 months ago. I'm getting teary-eyed just looking at you!" I smiled with a full heart and was speechless as well. I felt what she was talking about. I feel different than I did 2 months ago.

Some days I'm more smiley and optimistic than others about the changes happening in my life. This week the smile is a little harder to find.

Lately I feel like my life is just change after change after change.

God, how far do you have to stretch me and change me before I can rest?

I feel like I'm getting a little change-fatigued.

The changes I've gone through in my life in the past 10 months are countless, I think.

So now the current change. The title of my blog is the name of a song I've been going over in my head for the past couple of days, and there's a reason for it: In a literal way, when music videos on MTV were released, music changed forever. Music stars could no longer just "get by" by the sound of their voices on the radio. They needed an image. They needed to have "the look" and the moves that would be just right for videos and television. A new era of music had taken the stage. And some musicians were left behind in the previous era, not able to keep up with the changes being made in the music industry, while others jumped the train on the fast track through the new era and thrived. Stars on the radio were no longer stars. Video killed the radio star.

Okay, now maybe that doesn't make any sense to you, but it does in my mind. I'm entering this new era in my life. I can't stop the train of change that is barreling down the tracks of my life, so I'm embracing it. However, some things in my life that I've been holding on to seem to no longer have a place in this new era. They seem to only belong to the previous era and are being suffocated by the changes my life holds.
And that makes me sad. A lot of love and time were poured into the people and things of the previous era. But the train just won't stop. Once music videos were released, there was no going back.
Now there's no going back.

So here I am. On this journey toward Psalm 37:3-7, and there's no stopping me. I'm still growing, learning, and discovering new things. I'm thankful for the people and things in my life so far. God is good and He will continue to be good.

Peace.

A New Season

Hello friends! It's been a long time since my last post. My apologies. But I'm back! And I'm adding onto my journey.

It's SUMMER! And although it's raining right now (and will be for the next 4 days, according to the weatherman who I'm sure receives hate mail from annoyed Minnesotans daily) I'm still excited for this new season. You see, I have officially entered into a new season of my Psalm 37 Journey now that summer has arrived.

Everyone, it seems, is in some way or another unsatisfied with their weight. And they always say they want to "lose a few pounds" but just never get around to it. Or they actually try to work out and faithfully hit the gym 3 or 4 times before sort of giving up. And lots of people I know (my mom, for example) have tried diet after diet in attempts to lose the 10-20 pounds they gained over the long Minnesota winter months. Because let's face it: we all want to look good in our swim suits. Guys too. But for us women it gets complicated the more we think about how uncomfortable we are in our bodies. So, we have this desire to look good. Now what?

As school was nearing an end, I seemed to go to more and more doctor's appointments. For me, now, this new phase of hardcore diet and exercise is fueled by much more than my desire to look good in my swim suit. Yes, I've wanted to lose some weight for about 2 years, but never had the ambition or drive to truly get rid of it. I sat around at college and ate at Perkins weekly instead. So as my declining health was becoming more evident this year, my desire changed. I suddenly had this urge, this craving to be healthy. Working out and not going to McDonald's for lunch wasn't about shedding my weight anymore, it was about doing something for myself and being someone I wanted to be...someone I needed to be. Being healthy or getting on the road to being healthy was in my hands, and it wasn't a choice. No amount of perscriptions or operations that the doctor could give were going to do for me what I needed. Only a drastic change in diet and exercise could give me the health I needed and desired.

So! My mom and I began an accountability system together. We went and sought out a personal trainer who now works with us three times a week. We have a strict calorie limit each day (1,100 on days without exercise, and 1,500 on days with exercise) and are required to keep a detailed journal/log of our fat, protein, and carbohydrate intake every day to hand in to our trainer. She evaluates our meals and tells us what we could improve on and what we did right. Then she works us, hard, in an hour of exercise. The most difficult part of this so far is my new diet. At my last doctor's appointment, the doctor told me to start an Elimination Diet for the next month. Now the goal of the Elimination Diet is to rid yourself of the usual junk you eat for a month, and then slowly incorporate normal foods into your diet again to pinpoint what foods you may have food allergies to. This diet therefore cuts out all dairy, wheats/breads, soy, caffeine, red meats, gluten, and peanuts. And let me tell you...the stuff on that list is in A LOT of food. I thought it would be impossible to find any food to eat for a month besides organic chicken and apples.

But I have to tell you, once I got over the shock of withdrawl from my favorite junk foods (I miss pizza and chocolate the most), I really have begun to embrace this new food adventure. I look at the grocery store a whole new way now. I look at labels and count calories. Like...what? Who does that, right? Well, I do! And it's actually eye-opening. Looking at calories alone, I'm amazed at how easily I would end each day with 4,000-5,000 calories with only 2 or 3 meals a day, whereas now with my 6-7 meals a day I can barely reach 1,200. My eyes are opened now to the unhealthy way I've been living, and I'm really excited to actually live and see what it's like to live healthy.

Now a few of you have seen on Facebook that I've already lost 4 lbs. in the past 6 days and have asked me for advice, which is awesome! Giving weight loss and health advice is definitely not something I ever thought I'd be doing in my lifetime. But I'd love to help! I want people to be as excited about their health as I am. :) So I'm going to make you a list (as short and simple as I can make it) of main points you need to know if you want to start getting healthy, if that's ok with you!! And as I continue on my journey, I'm sure this list will grow as my knowledge and experience grows. :) You could maybe print it out and tape it on your mirror or fridge if you need visual accountability.

A List of Things You Need To Know To be Healthy

• Eat more than just 3 meals a day, if possible. (Instead of 3 large meals, your metabolism works best if you eat small portions every 3 hours! Help your metabolism kick in!)
• Eat breakfast! (Give your body 30 mins after waking up, then eat a hearty breakfast filled with a good amount of carbs)
• Exercise for about 60 min every day. (And this doesn't mean going to the gym and pushing yourself to your limit. Go for a walk with a friend or your dog! Rollerblade! Play Wii's Just Dance for an hour! Do something to move your body. And it's going to be easier to do since it's summer now) :)
• If you want to really start exercising, do it with a friend. (Seriously, I can't stress accountability enough. I would not be doing what I'm doing without the push of my mom and my friends. I need them, and they need me. Be someone's accountability as they become yours. Set a specific time with your friend every other day as YOUR TIME to work out with them. It does wonders.)
• Try cutting junk out. (You don't have to be as drastic as my Elimination Diet, but try cutting one junk food out at a time. Start maybe with pop the first week. And then the next week you'll cut pop and cheese. (Cheese and dairy are huge calorie counters! I know it's hard to give cheese up, but I think it's worth a try). And then keep adding things each week for a month or two. I think your results will be better than you'd expect.)
• Be honest. Be realistic. (Don't lie to yourself or set too high of expectations for yourself. This really isn't about winning or failing a goal. This is about: how serious do you really want to be about your weight/health? I think if you keep asking yourself that, you'll get better results than when you're scrambling to get to the gym every day for 2 hours or setting a goal to be a size 0.)
• Start with carbs in the morning, and finish with protein before bed. (Now, please don't eat a sirloin steak before you brush your teeth and cuddle with your pillow, but do eat some form of protein before you sleep. That way, your metabolism works throughout the night rather than starving till morning. I just ate a small can of tuna at about 10:00.)
• Be positive about yourself! (The more you bash yourself and the way you look, the harder it's going to be to actually change your habits. I found that once I decided to look at myself in a positive way, it was so much easier to be positive about my new diet, even though it was hard. I'm the Queen of Low Self Esteem, so trust me when I say it's easier said than done. But just try to be happy with who you are. You're beautiful no matter how much you weigh or how many calories you consume in a day.)

 Well, that's all I've got for now! I'm excited to add to that list and continue sharing my new season's experiences with you this summer. And if you're going to change your lifestyle a little bit like I have, let me know! I want to help keep you accountable and see how you're doing as well! It'll be cool to see what the results will be for us in a few months. :)
Peace.

-kelsey

Is It Summer Yet?

Oh boy, I can't tell you how many times I've heard the phrase Is it summer yet?! in the past week or two. Today is an absolutely gorgeous day, which brings hope to the fact that summer is indeed on its way. When it gets so beautiful out, it gets so much harder to stay inside to finish papers and projects. I can't imagine how hard it is going to be once the grass gets greener. I love green grass...and sunglasses...and sandals...
But until summer comes, spring deserves to be enjoyed and school must be...endured. Right now I know every college student is feeling the agony of knowing that the light at the end of the tunnel (summer) is just barely visible behind the piles and piles of things we need to get done in the next month. However, I know that we will all survive this, and hopefully spring will be more of an encouragement of joy and peace, rather than a distraction.

My mom is an amazing person. Seriously, living without her is not possible, and she inspires me all the time with her life. Right now she's going through the same things I am, except she's got it way harder than I do: she's preparing to graduate from Grad school at St. Cloud State in early May, she has a pre-teen and a teenager to keep up with at home, she's been in touch with my health and the issues there more than it seems I have been, and she's got an amazing yet difficult job to do at the St. Cloud Children's Home. I'd tell you to go ask her about her busy life, but I think you'd better wait to chat with her until after graduation. :) Although, I'm gonna go ahead and encourage you, whoever you are reading this, to send my mom a little bit of encouragement (hint, she LOVES Starbucks...), whether that's an anonymous cup of coffee or an email or a voicemail.
Anyway, my mom inspires me every day. When I think that school or life is just getting to be too much to handle, I have to think of my mom, and then I sit back and think, "I've got it easy!" I know she can understand a lot of what I'm going through this spring. And I'm proud of her. She's handling everything and more than I am. I know that every time I say to myself or my friends, "Is it summer yet?" she's probably thinking the same thing.

So, for all of you who feel like they're "up to their neck" in stress, this is David relating to you a little bit:

Save me, O God,
   for the waters have come up to my neck.

But I pray to you, LORD,
   in the time of your favor;
in your great love, O God,
   answer me with your sure salvation. 

Rescue me from the mire,
   do not let me sink;
deliver me [...]
   from the deep waters. 

Answer me, LORD, out of the goodness of your love;
   in your great mercy turn to me. 

I will praise God’s name in song
   and glorify him with thanksgiving.  

                   -Psalm 69:1, 13, 14, 16, 30