Every Tuesday night is Small Groups night.
I love my Small Group. We have the best Small Group out of all the DTS. It's a fact.
So tonight to get off the base, we drove into the nearest city, Tyler, and hung out at Barnes&Noble. Our assignment was to pick out 3 books which best describe who we are individually and then share them with the group so we can all admire one another and the desires and dreams and giftings God has given us.
The first book I picked out was a compilation book of all the wonderful things C.S. Lewis has written about Aslan in his Chronicles of Narnia series. I LOVE ASLAN. And I love love love C.S. Lewis. Anyway, I knew the other 2 books I wanted were books about music and travel.
An employee overheard my difficulty finding the Travel and Music sections, so he offered to escort me in the direction I needed. I gratefully accepted.
My new friend led me to the Travel/Music section (they are combined, how convenient!) and I thanked him. Then he asked me about my interest in travel. That question was the spark of a flame that would end up being a 10 minute conversation: two strangers talking about travels, the future, the past, and life itself. It was so beautiful! I walked away from that conversation with electricity coursing through my veins.
I love people.
People need people. It's a profound, revolutionary thought. So simple. So true.
I then walked over to the cafe area with my 3 books to join my group of beautiful, dear friends who had their 3 books to share. I ordered my coffee and blueberry muffin, sat down with the 9 ladies I love most, and smiled. The joy of the Lord was present in this place.
We went around in a circle and shared why we chose our 3 books and how they relate to our personalities; oh, how beautiful a time it was! It only lasted about 20 minutes, but something powerful and precious happened in that time. We began to realize the beauty of God's placement of each young woman in this group and how creative and wonderful our personalities are!
The drive home was the perfect, chocolate icing on the cake. I just started talking about how thankful I was that God allowed me to have such a cool conversation with the Barnes&Noble employee, but expressed how sad I was that I didn't ask what his name was! Brittany said, "It's ok, God knows his name!" and that began a quick prayer I said aloud for my new friend, to bless him and praise God for him. After that, the four of us in my car began to gush and literally get teary-eyed at the love of God. The presence of the joy of the Lord was so thick in the car and was so heavy on our hearts. We were squealing like little girls in a candy shop over this simple fact: God loves us SO MUCH.
And that's it! I just needed to get this out and tell the world how much God loves! I'm just oozing with thankfulness and joy.
Glory be.
Peace.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Thursday, December 1, 2011
God's Heartbeat
Have you ever read the Bible and suddenly felt like it had a pulse...? The thump-thump, thump-thump is almost so real you can hear it, and so strong that you can feel it in your hands?
Well, if you haven't, let me tell you: It rocked my world!
Besides being a little freaked out by a pulsing Bible in my hands, I could not stop being amazed at the love of God this morning during my Quiet Time.
It all started with Proverbs 4:23.
"Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance and above all that you guard, for out of it flow the springs of life." (AMP)
I stared at this verse for a good couple of minutes before even praying or thinking about it. Just stared at it... and remembered that this verse had a very different meaning for me over a year ago. I had just spent an entire summer at Camp hearing this verse every single day, constantly being reminded by God to keep my heart guarded above all else. And after spending that summer assuming that my heart was as guarded as it was gonna get, I suddenly plunged into a world of confusion and hurt. Let's just say I quickly realized what can happen when your heart isn't kept and guarded.
The mercy God has is incredible, and the redemption I've experienced in the past year has been beautiful and freeing. But if God weren't the good, merciful, loving God He is, He would probably have said "I told you so" last October. Loudly. With a parade. And banners that say "This is What You Get!" across them.
Now, over a year later, I'm reading that verse again with new eyes--a new life I've been given and that I'm grateful for every day. And as I'm reading this verse, the Bible begins to softly pulsate in my hands. Then I begin to flip through to some other Books to read something else...but no matter what I read, the message was the same: God is incredibly concerned about the condition of our hearts.
Thump-thump. Thump-Thump.
For some reason, condition of man's heart is of particular interest to our God.
Let me put it another way: God is passionate about our hearts! Think about all the opportunities for repentance He gave in the Old Testament...they're countless. Think about the fact that He sent Jesus (who, being a vital part of the Trinity, left His rightful and deserved place of glory to live as a human for our sake and Salvation). What a heart the Father has.
Did you know that Jesus died of a broken heart? If you read the medical account of Jesus' death, you'll eventually discover that the physical suffering he endured before and during His crucifixion is not what killed Him. His ultimate point of death was in fact when, on the cross, the emotional stress and the literal weight of the world's sin came upon Him. Douglas Jacoby says this: "A combination of shock and suffocation killed most victims of crucifixion, but in Jesus’ case acute heart failure may have been the final trauma. This is suggested by his sudden death following a loud cry, after only a few hours: a quick death, it seems (Pilate was surprised to find Jesus already dead). A fatal cardiac arrhythmia, or perhaps cardiac rupture, are likely candidates." The Holy, Glorious Son was so emotionally stressed that His heart burst.
Did you know that God was so overwhelmingly disappointed in man that He grieved? Genesis 6:6 says that "The Lord was sorry that He had made man on the earth, and He was grieved in His heart." And then He sent a flood. Woah, WHAT? The condition of the hearts of the whole world were that bad?!
Yep.
Except for one.
Noah had the only right heart on earth. So God gave him (and his whole family) mercy! But that mercy came even though His heart was so broken. The people He loved and created, with purposes and value, had completely denied Him. So He came to the point of actually having to remove them from His sight. The Flood was not something God wanted to do, but had to. For His own heart's sake, and for the world's sake. The condition of man's heart, the Bible says, was so utterly wicked and corrupt that God couldn't stand it anymore. Too much violence. Too much corruption. Sound familiar? Look around. What kind of world do we live in? (I could go on and on about injustices and corruption in our world today, but let's save that for another blog, shall we?)
Now before I start to spiral you into a mild form of depression or you start to build your own Ark, let me remind you that we can praise God that He's promised never to wipe out all of mankind like that ever again. Jesus came with a new covenant for us, and we can freely be in relationship with our Maker without fear of sudden, wrathful obliteration. So cool your jets, take a sip of some really good coffee, and let's talk some more about how passionate He is about us.
I love God. I love His 3 persons equally and definitely. I love the ways that God reveals Himself to me and loves on me and comforts me. I even love His correction. Say WHA-?? Yep. I love being corrected by the Holy Spirit. It's another form of God's love. And the more correction He gives, the more fellowship we get to have with Him and the more we become like Jesus! So cool. Like, the more correction I get, the more I see how much He values me. He values the condition of my heart.
Proverbs 4:23 says that from the heart flow the springs of life itself. God, the life-giver, loves when we realize the value of our lives. Man, if we could only understand a fraction of how God feels about this...if we only understood a fraction of what I've even said in this blog...we could change the world.
I encourage you today to press into Jesus' chest, get really up-close and personal with Him, and listen to His heartbeat. What is on His heart? What is the rhythm of his heartbeat? When you're that close to our God, amazing, revolutionary things happen. Try it.
Peace.
Well, if you haven't, let me tell you: It rocked my world!
Besides being a little freaked out by a pulsing Bible in my hands, I could not stop being amazed at the love of God this morning during my Quiet Time.
It all started with Proverbs 4:23.
"Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance and above all that you guard, for out of it flow the springs of life." (AMP)
I stared at this verse for a good couple of minutes before even praying or thinking about it. Just stared at it... and remembered that this verse had a very different meaning for me over a year ago. I had just spent an entire summer at Camp hearing this verse every single day, constantly being reminded by God to keep my heart guarded above all else. And after spending that summer assuming that my heart was as guarded as it was gonna get, I suddenly plunged into a world of confusion and hurt. Let's just say I quickly realized what can happen when your heart isn't kept and guarded.
The mercy God has is incredible, and the redemption I've experienced in the past year has been beautiful and freeing. But if God weren't the good, merciful, loving God He is, He would probably have said "I told you so" last October. Loudly. With a parade. And banners that say "This is What You Get!" across them.
Now, over a year later, I'm reading that verse again with new eyes--a new life I've been given and that I'm grateful for every day. And as I'm reading this verse, the Bible begins to softly pulsate in my hands. Then I begin to flip through to some other Books to read something else...but no matter what I read, the message was the same: God is incredibly concerned about the condition of our hearts.
Thump-thump. Thump-Thump.
For some reason, condition of man's heart is of particular interest to our God.
Let me put it another way: God is passionate about our hearts! Think about all the opportunities for repentance He gave in the Old Testament...they're countless. Think about the fact that He sent Jesus (who, being a vital part of the Trinity, left His rightful and deserved place of glory to live as a human for our sake and Salvation). What a heart the Father has.
Did you know that God was so overwhelmingly disappointed in man that He grieved? Genesis 6:6 says that "The Lord was sorry that He had made man on the earth, and He was grieved in His heart." And then He sent a flood. Woah, WHAT? The condition of the hearts of the whole world were that bad?!
Yep.
Except for one.
Noah had the only right heart on earth. So God gave him (and his whole family) mercy! But that mercy came even though His heart was so broken. The people He loved and created, with purposes and value, had completely denied Him. So He came to the point of actually having to remove them from His sight. The Flood was not something God wanted to do, but had to. For His own heart's sake, and for the world's sake. The condition of man's heart, the Bible says, was so utterly wicked and corrupt that God couldn't stand it anymore. Too much violence. Too much corruption. Sound familiar? Look around. What kind of world do we live in? (I could go on and on about injustices and corruption in our world today, but let's save that for another blog, shall we?)
Now before I start to spiral you into a mild form of depression or you start to build your own Ark, let me remind you that we can praise God that He's promised never to wipe out all of mankind like that ever again. Jesus came with a new covenant for us, and we can freely be in relationship with our Maker without fear of sudden, wrathful obliteration. So cool your jets, take a sip of some really good coffee, and let's talk some more about how passionate He is about us.
I love God. I love His 3 persons equally and definitely. I love the ways that God reveals Himself to me and loves on me and comforts me. I even love His correction. Say WHA-?? Yep. I love being corrected by the Holy Spirit. It's another form of God's love. And the more correction He gives, the more fellowship we get to have with Him and the more we become like Jesus! So cool. Like, the more correction I get, the more I see how much He values me. He values the condition of my heart.
Proverbs 4:23 says that from the heart flow the springs of life itself. God, the life-giver, loves when we realize the value of our lives. Man, if we could only understand a fraction of how God feels about this...if we only understood a fraction of what I've even said in this blog...we could change the world.
I encourage you today to press into Jesus' chest, get really up-close and personal with Him, and listen to His heartbeat. What is on His heart? What is the rhythm of his heartbeat? When you're that close to our God, amazing, revolutionary things happen. Try it.
Lord,
How gracious, giving, and loving you are! So my heart will be guarded. Because you value my heart. My heart is everything to you. So it's yours. Yours alone, God, to do what you will. We trust you and love you. With all of us. Thank you God.
Peace.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
What Good Can Come From Nazareth?
"Even now, this is the Lord's declaration: Turn to Me with all your heart, with fasting, weeping, and mourning. Tear your hearts, not just your clothes, and return to the Lord your God. For he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger, rich in faithful love, and he relents from sending disaster." Joel 2:12-13 (HCSB)
There are times in which God's people, in a nation facing great national crisis, or moral decline, are commanded by God to drop every denominational, racial, gender, and age barrier and unite together in fasting, prayer, humility, and repentance. America is in such a time.
Our nation is in desperate need of an undeserved mercy from God and another great spiritual awakening. When there's no hope for a nation, when there's no remedy, God still has a holy prescription.
I had the opportunity this past weekend to spend 24 full hours without food and sleep to simply be in the presence of Jesus and intercede for whatever He wanted me to. I couldn't get enough of it. When the 24 hours was over, I asked for another 24 hours. I could've gone another 24 hours without sleep! That's how simply satisfying our Jesus is.
I've come to realize the importance of prayer and fasting. When you set aside a specific period of time (minutes, hours, days, months, or years) to fully devote yourself to prayer and fasting, God moves. It's a fact. It's as if God is leaning over his heavenly balcony, looking down on us--on Detroit, on the MidWest, on America--connecting his eyes with ours, saying, "Move Me." Those eyes of his, that are filled with fire, are daring us to move him. Can we really move God, the creator of the Universe? Yes, we can! He calls us to! This is how it works: throughout the Bible, God calls his people to sacrifice everything they have to come to repentance. And every time God's people repented, God moved. He did. Look it up. He is faithful and good and wants to see change. He wants to be moved by us.
He wants revival.
Revival is coming, people. Detroit, get ready. There is a special anointing upon that city...the ground is shaking and the air is changing. I'll definitely be back there soon, because I felt a tug to the city when I first got there. I'm going to be part of this revival God has in store. Pray for me, for us who are stepping up to the call to change our nation and bring it back to the One who gave us freedom!
You know, if you're like me, you're probably thinking, "Detroit? Why on earth would God choose Detroit of all places to start a revival? What good can come from Detroit?" I thought this very thing before I got there. I kept saying, "I can't believe I'm going to Detroit for a weekend of prayer. I'd much rather be going to NYC or L.A! What good can come from Detroit? It's so washed up. What a waste." Yeah, I'm that judgmental. But instantly when I thought those things, God reminded me of John 1:46. Jesus is seeking out his disciples, and after he finds Philip, Phil goes to find his buddy Nathanael to tell him that he's found the Messiah, the One they've been waiting for; His name is Jesus, that guy from Nazareth. Nathanael's response was, "Can anything good come out of Nazareth?" Phil simply replied, "Come and see." All I needed to do was "come and see" Detroit to see that even though it's not a shining, glorious city in the U.S., God has big plans to come from it. Remember that our Savior was born in a barn in a tiny town. Our Savior grew up in a dirty, unpopular city. Our Savior used fisherman, lepers, prostitutes, and people on the outskirts to further His Kingdom. God has a thing for using the unpopular and the rejected.
That's what Detroit is, right now. Unpopular and rejected. Stricken with poverty, crime, racism, and injustice. Detroit is exactly what God needs.
So that's a brief, brief summary of The Call last weekend. God is really stirring hearts and shaking lives of young people in our nation...and I'm so, so honored and stoked to be a part of it...
If you have any interest in supporting me and/or my team, please please please let me know! As of now, I need $2,700 by December 10. It's a big deal, but nothing's too big for my God to handle. I have full trust that I'll have that support.
The things I'm learning here in Discipleship Training School every day are absolutely revolutionary to the way I'm going to live the rest of my life. I wish I could blog about every single sermon I hear, every class period I sit in on, every revelation God gives me, and every experience my friends go through. If you guys could only see the ways God is moving...
Don't hesitate to email me, call me, text me, anything! I miss and love you guys, and I really want you all to hear about the things I'm learning! If you have questions about Detroit, The Call, the upcoming revival, or anything else I've said, please ask :)
Peace.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
the call.
I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.
Above is a little excerpt from my journal I scribbled as we were corporately praying for the U.S. on Monday morning.
Well, tomorrow (Thursday) morning at 6:30 a.m. I will be ready to jump in a van and drive for 24 hours up to Detroit, MI. I'm so, so excited! The Call is an opportunity for Americans to gather together in one place and lift up our nation, our home, in much-needed prayer. I have a video of how it began in my previous blog post.
I'm just so stoked!!
I'm also very excited to come back on Sunday and relay to you guys everything that happens this weekend. I'm sure that's a blog post you won't want to ignore!
So, if you would, please pray for my classmates and I as we head up north tomorrow morning. We won't get the conveniences of beds OR showers, so pray for our heath and our spirits...that they're as lifted up as possible (even in a crowded van full of 20-somethings who haven't showered in 4 days)! :)
And if you get the chance, check out my India Newsletter on facebook!
Peace.
This is a gathering place for the nations.
The "melting pot."
There's a reason.
I pray we realize why it is here that all people gather to be free.
ONE NATION. ONE PEOPLE. UNDER GOD.
I pray I seek my place in this country. I trust You, God. Above is a little excerpt from my journal I scribbled as we were corporately praying for the U.S. on Monday morning.
Well, tomorrow (Thursday) morning at 6:30 a.m. I will be ready to jump in a van and drive for 24 hours up to Detroit, MI. I'm so, so excited! The Call is an opportunity for Americans to gather together in one place and lift up our nation, our home, in much-needed prayer. I have a video of how it began in my previous blog post.
I'm just so stoked!!
I'm also very excited to come back on Sunday and relay to you guys everything that happens this weekend. I'm sure that's a blog post you won't want to ignore!
So, if you would, please pray for my classmates and I as we head up north tomorrow morning. We won't get the conveniences of beds OR showers, so pray for our heath and our spirits...that they're as lifted up as possible (even in a crowded van full of 20-somethings who haven't showered in 4 days)! :)
And if you get the chance, check out my India Newsletter on facebook!
Peace.
Friday, November 4, 2011
Break My Heart For What Breaks Yours...
Friends!
Today is an absolutely gorgeous day. The weather here in Texas is getting chilly in the mornings and evenings, and mid-day is a beautiful, comfortable, sunny temperature of 70 degrees. It's definitely not a Minnesota November, but I'm content :) (I'm still praying for a white Christmas down here...join me if you'd like! Texas needs all the prayer it can get!)
This week was Ministry Prep Week here at YWAM Tyler, which means all 3 outreach teams are preparing and sharpening the skills and activities we'll need when we go on outreach. We've been learning dramas, mini skits, VBS programs, hip-hop dances, children's sports, and have also learned how to prepare and share our testimonies with different types of people in different situations. My assignments for outreach are to be part of the hip-hop team and the children's activities team. This means 2 things: one is that my secret, life-long dream of being a hip-hop dancer is coming true (eeek! so excited!), and the second thing is that I'll be doing crafts, braiding hair, painting faces, and just tangibly loving on the Indian girls and boys that don't necessarily care to be a part of the sports activities and just want to chill (which is exactly my personality, as well!). So this week has been incredibly tiring, and a lot of us are physically worn out, but it's so worth it. I'm very excited to see how we can use our new talents and skills to represent a little bit of Jesus' love to the 3 countries we're visiting.
This morning, my OutreachTeam and I popped popcorn, cracked open cans of Mountain Dew, and sat in front of a television to watch Slumdog Millionaire together. Here's a little clip from the beginning of the movie, just click on the link:
(this movie is rated R for language, a little violence, and simply the harsh reality of life in the slums)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OgZ399tSsQo&feature=related
Did you watch it?
I cried.
I've seen this movie before. But now that I'm watching it with the reality of me actually being there hit me hard. And it broke my heart. I'm not sure where my heart was when I watched it for the first time, but now that my heart has been begging God to break for the things that break His heart, I completely lost it watching that clip. The way children live in the slums of India breaks God's heart. The way they live in constant fear and have little freedom to live as children breaks God's heart. The evil and violence and cruelty that goes on in the middle of streets breaks God's heart. The dirty, disgusting, filthy wasteland parents are forced to raise their children in breaks God's heart.
And I'm going to see it with my eyes.
Jesus sees it with His eyes...every single day.
Every day, I get the undeserving privelege of looking waking up in a bed with clean sheets and a fluffy pillow. I get to look out the window and decide what is appropriate to wear based on the temperature. I get to walk outside and look at this beautiful Texan ranch and walk to a meal consisting of all food groups and clean water. The beauty of the scenery and the comfort of the atmosphere in this place is utterly overwhelming compared to what exists in the life of a 20 year old girl in Mumbai.
.
Another awesome privilege I get to experience is The Call next weekend. Check out this video:
We are leaving next Thursday in vans and heading up to Detroit for the weekend. Please pray for us as we prepare our hearts and gather our funds for this awesome event. And maybe consider coming yourself! Don't pass up an opportunity to pray for our Nation...I'm really excited to see what God does when his people pray next weekend.
But prayer doesn't need to be a scheduled event of epic proportions. You can be praying right now and God will move in just as big of ways as he does when 50,000 people are gathered in a football stadium. It's about heart and motive.
Oh, and I learned a thing or two from Justin Bieber (yes, Justin Bieber) the other day, watching his music video, Pray. Prayer doesn't start with you blabbing out the first thing you think of to God. Prayer is about being close to His heart and listening to Him first. Listen to what He has to say to you today. Listen to what He wants you to pray about.
Today is an absolutely gorgeous day. The weather here in Texas is getting chilly in the mornings and evenings, and mid-day is a beautiful, comfortable, sunny temperature of 70 degrees. It's definitely not a Minnesota November, but I'm content :) (I'm still praying for a white Christmas down here...join me if you'd like! Texas needs all the prayer it can get!)
This week was Ministry Prep Week here at YWAM Tyler, which means all 3 outreach teams are preparing and sharpening the skills and activities we'll need when we go on outreach. We've been learning dramas, mini skits, VBS programs, hip-hop dances, children's sports, and have also learned how to prepare and share our testimonies with different types of people in different situations. My assignments for outreach are to be part of the hip-hop team and the children's activities team. This means 2 things: one is that my secret, life-long dream of being a hip-hop dancer is coming true (eeek! so excited!), and the second thing is that I'll be doing crafts, braiding hair, painting faces, and just tangibly loving on the Indian girls and boys that don't necessarily care to be a part of the sports activities and just want to chill (which is exactly my personality, as well!). So this week has been incredibly tiring, and a lot of us are physically worn out, but it's so worth it. I'm very excited to see how we can use our new talents and skills to represent a little bit of Jesus' love to the 3 countries we're visiting.
This morning, my OutreachTeam and I popped popcorn, cracked open cans of Mountain Dew, and sat in front of a television to watch Slumdog Millionaire together. Here's a little clip from the beginning of the movie, just click on the link:
(this movie is rated R for language, a little violence, and simply the harsh reality of life in the slums)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OgZ399tSsQo&feature=related
Did you watch it?
I cried.
I've seen this movie before. But now that I'm watching it with the reality of me actually being there hit me hard. And it broke my heart. I'm not sure where my heart was when I watched it for the first time, but now that my heart has been begging God to break for the things that break His heart, I completely lost it watching that clip. The way children live in the slums of India breaks God's heart. The way they live in constant fear and have little freedom to live as children breaks God's heart. The evil and violence and cruelty that goes on in the middle of streets breaks God's heart. The dirty, disgusting, filthy wasteland parents are forced to raise their children in breaks God's heart.
And I'm going to see it with my eyes.
Jesus sees it with His eyes...every single day.
Every day, I get the undeserving privelege of looking waking up in a bed with clean sheets and a fluffy pillow. I get to look out the window and decide what is appropriate to wear based on the temperature. I get to walk outside and look at this beautiful Texan ranch and walk to a meal consisting of all food groups and clean water. The beauty of the scenery and the comfort of the atmosphere in this place is utterly overwhelming compared to what exists in the life of a 20 year old girl in Mumbai.
.
Another awesome privilege I get to experience is The Call next weekend. Check out this video:
We are leaving next Thursday in vans and heading up to Detroit for the weekend. Please pray for us as we prepare our hearts and gather our funds for this awesome event. And maybe consider coming yourself! Don't pass up an opportunity to pray for our Nation...I'm really excited to see what God does when his people pray next weekend.
But prayer doesn't need to be a scheduled event of epic proportions. You can be praying right now and God will move in just as big of ways as he does when 50,000 people are gathered in a football stadium. It's about heart and motive.
Oh, and I learned a thing or two from Justin Bieber (yes, Justin Bieber) the other day, watching his music video, Pray. Prayer doesn't start with you blabbing out the first thing you think of to God. Prayer is about being close to His heart and listening to Him first. Listen to what He has to say to you today. Listen to what He wants you to pray about.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Seek. 24/7.
Well, Plumbline week is over, and with the end of that week quickly started our Week of 24/7 Prayer.
Plumbline went so well--thank you so much for praying! God really freed us from a lot of hurt and bondage we've been holding on to. Repentance and renewal are beautiful things. Humility is huge. And true repentance is true humility.
I learned a whole lot about myself last week. And I was set free from so much tension, bitterness, rejection, shame, pride, and hurt I've had basically my whole life--most without even knowing it was there.
It's a struggle for me to admit my weaknesses; I've spent a lifetime trying to convince the world that I'm strong, confident, and capable. But that doesn't leave any room for Jesus to move and work, does it? One (out of many!) of the things God told me last week is that it's necessary to expose my weakness. Jesus said, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" (2 Corinthians 12:10). So I'm learning to humble myself and allow Jesus' strength to replace my weakness. I'm giving up my own strength.
It would take an overwhelming amount of time to write out all the prophecies, visions, and dreams God has revealed for my life in the past week. (I would love to share them with you sometime, though. Get in touch with me, we'll talk about them!) But I would like to share the most recent revelation I've been having.
The past few days have been filled with 24/7prayer. That means that our Prayer Chapel is never empty. Every minute of every hour for 7 days there is always a person or a group of people in that room praying earnestly and diligently. As an individual, I am required to fill out 2 hours of prayer in the chapel myself, and as a large group we pray 3-4 hours each day there. So I'm in the prayer chapel about 6 hours or more every day this week. It's so great. :) God is really moving and revealing so much...It's such an awesome privilege to be a part of God's heart and will. So one of the things that God's been telling me personally is just to seek Him. I've felt such a burden since I've gotten here to start researching and studying the life of Jesus. And after Plumbline week being set free of a lot of blockages and hindrances to my relationship with my Father, I now feel like I can truly seek a daughter-father relationship with God. So in order to do that, I want to start learning everything I can about who God is and what He's like. I want to get to know Him, since He already knows everything about me. So as I pray and begin daily conversation with Him, I am now also pursuing a daily study of His Son. In John 8, after Jesus explains that He is the Light of the World, He then says, "If you knew me, you would know my Father also." Reading those words really hit home for me. I've been crying out to God for relationship with Him for so long: "I want to know you, God. I want to be close to you. Reveal who you are to me, Lord." Then I read Jesus' words and got it. God sent Jesus so that I would know the character of Himself. "Whoever believes in me, believes not in me but in him who sent me. And whoever sees me sees him who sent me. I have come to the world as light, so that whoever believes in me may not remain in darkness" (John 12:44-46).
So, with that in mind, I've been praying about how to pursue a personal study on Jesus. And while my heart has been stirring about this, God keeps saying that I just need to draw near. I got two anonymous sheets of paper the other day. One said "KELSEY RIELAND: SEEK. MATTHEW 7:7-12" and the other had a vision God gave them for me. And I would (once again) like to type out my journal entries about these sheets of paper so you can see for yourself how God is waorking for and through me:
Plumbline went so well--thank you so much for praying! God really freed us from a lot of hurt and bondage we've been holding on to. Repentance and renewal are beautiful things. Humility is huge. And true repentance is true humility.
I learned a whole lot about myself last week. And I was set free from so much tension, bitterness, rejection, shame, pride, and hurt I've had basically my whole life--most without even knowing it was there.
It's a struggle for me to admit my weaknesses; I've spent a lifetime trying to convince the world that I'm strong, confident, and capable. But that doesn't leave any room for Jesus to move and work, does it? One (out of many!) of the things God told me last week is that it's necessary to expose my weakness. Jesus said, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness" (2 Corinthians 12:10). So I'm learning to humble myself and allow Jesus' strength to replace my weakness. I'm giving up my own strength.
It would take an overwhelming amount of time to write out all the prophecies, visions, and dreams God has revealed for my life in the past week. (I would love to share them with you sometime, though. Get in touch with me, we'll talk about them!) But I would like to share the most recent revelation I've been having.
The past few days have been filled with 24/7prayer. That means that our Prayer Chapel is never empty. Every minute of every hour for 7 days there is always a person or a group of people in that room praying earnestly and diligently. As an individual, I am required to fill out 2 hours of prayer in the chapel myself, and as a large group we pray 3-4 hours each day there. So I'm in the prayer chapel about 6 hours or more every day this week. It's so great. :) God is really moving and revealing so much...It's such an awesome privilege to be a part of God's heart and will. So one of the things that God's been telling me personally is just to seek Him. I've felt such a burden since I've gotten here to start researching and studying the life of Jesus. And after Plumbline week being set free of a lot of blockages and hindrances to my relationship with my Father, I now feel like I can truly seek a daughter-father relationship with God. So in order to do that, I want to start learning everything I can about who God is and what He's like. I want to get to know Him, since He already knows everything about me. So as I pray and begin daily conversation with Him, I am now also pursuing a daily study of His Son. In John 8, after Jesus explains that He is the Light of the World, He then says, "If you knew me, you would know my Father also." Reading those words really hit home for me. I've been crying out to God for relationship with Him for so long: "I want to know you, God. I want to be close to you. Reveal who you are to me, Lord." Then I read Jesus' words and got it. God sent Jesus so that I would know the character of Himself. "Whoever believes in me, believes not in me but in him who sent me. And whoever sees me sees him who sent me. I have come to the world as light, so that whoever believes in me may not remain in darkness" (John 12:44-46).
So, with that in mind, I've been praying about how to pursue a personal study on Jesus. And while my heart has been stirring about this, God keeps saying that I just need to draw near. I got two anonymous sheets of paper the other day. One said "KELSEY RIELAND: SEEK. MATTHEW 7:7-12" and the other had a vision God gave them for me. And I would (once again) like to type out my journal entries about these sheets of paper so you can see for yourself how God is waorking for and through me:
Oct. 24, Evening Prayer Chapel
Ok, so maybe someone had this vision. I'm going to write it out. God, please speak or show me what I need to know through this if it is from you.
Train tracks. A white picket fence is the barrier keeping someone from going onto the tracks. Suddenly the gate opens and Jesus is there with a smile on his face. That's it.
Ahh, so many visions for me to pray about. So many as in two. But what do they mean? God, why am I hearing things I don't understand?
Seek. Ok so I'm supposed to seek. Matthew 6:33 says to seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness. Then Matthew 7:7 says seek and I will find. God said to Solomon, "if my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and forgive their sin and heal their land" (2 Chronicles 7:14). And Jeremiah 29:10-14 says that God has plans for the future, and when I call on his name and seek him, I will find him.
I'm not really sure what happened to the bottom half of this post! It somehow disappeared! I'll try to revive it and get it back up as soon as possible! Sorry for the inconvenience!
I'm not really sure what happened to the bottom half of this post! It somehow disappeared! I'll try to revive it and get it back up as soon as possible! Sorry for the inconvenience!
Monday, October 17, 2011
Plumbline
Today is the beginning of Plumbline Week here at YWAM, Tyler.
That means today was the first day I've ever heard of a plumb line. If you're like me and have no idea what a plumb line is, here's what I learned this morning: a plumb line is a physical means of determining how straight an upright wall is or needs to be. Here's an example of a plumb line:
So this week is dedicated to God's plumb line: God's heart. His heart is what keeps us grounded. The closer we are to His heart, the more solid we are able to stand. And so we're going to be searching our hearts deeply for the next few days...I don't know exactly what it's going to look like, but I'm excited about the revelation and restoration God has planned for me.
Outreach update: We've had a meeting or two already, and we really don't have any plans set in stone yet, but one thing I would like you guys to pray for me for would be my passport. My team can't buy our plane tickets until member of my team and I update our passports. And the sooner we buy our plane tickets, the cheaper they'll be. And updating my passport means making a trip to Dallas, which is about 2 hours away. Please pray that I find time to make the trip sometime this week with our insane schedule; pray that I am able to get a ride up to Dallas...since I don't have a car; pray that I (and my friend Tyler) can update our passports without a hitch; and pray that we can buy the cheapest plane tickets as quickly as possible.
And pray that this week would bring unity and strength within my DTS class. Satan really doesn't like the direction we're moving and the things God wants to show us, so we're physically, mentally, and spiritually going through trials right now. Covering us in prayer would really do a lot! Pray for the bondages Satan has in our lives as individuals would completely break...we want to experience the fullness of God in this place.
Since I'm pumping out the prayer requests, please pray for Brittany, too. This is a hard week for her; just pray that the comfort and peace of God surrounds her during this time.
Thanks everyone! Love y'all!
That means today was the first day I've ever heard of a plumb line. If you're like me and have no idea what a plumb line is, here's what I learned this morning: a plumb line is a physical means of determining how straight an upright wall is or needs to be. Here's an example of a plumb line:
Outreach update: We've had a meeting or two already, and we really don't have any plans set in stone yet, but one thing I would like you guys to pray for me for would be my passport. My team can't buy our plane tickets until member of my team and I update our passports. And the sooner we buy our plane tickets, the cheaper they'll be. And updating my passport means making a trip to Dallas, which is about 2 hours away. Please pray that I find time to make the trip sometime this week with our insane schedule; pray that I am able to get a ride up to Dallas...since I don't have a car; pray that I (and my friend Tyler) can update our passports without a hitch; and pray that we can buy the cheapest plane tickets as quickly as possible.
And pray that this week would bring unity and strength within my DTS class. Satan really doesn't like the direction we're moving and the things God wants to show us, so we're physically, mentally, and spiritually going through trials right now. Covering us in prayer would really do a lot! Pray for the bondages Satan has in our lives as individuals would completely break...we want to experience the fullness of God in this place.
Since I'm pumping out the prayer requests, please pray for Brittany, too. This is a hard week for her; just pray that the comfort and peace of God surrounds her during this time.
Thanks everyone! Love y'all!
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
The Journey Continues.
Ok, so I've had a few revelations about myself and about God and about life today. And rather than attempt to explain how my mind has wrapped around each one of them (there are more than a few!), I've decided to share something very inimate and personal with you today. I'm going to type out, word for word, my journal entry from my morning Quiet Time and then later my thoughts during morning Worship and class. Today is a very monumental day in history (for...many reasons). So are you ready? Here goes trusting you with my heart...
That's my heart. Do with it what you will, but where is yours? What is God saying to you today?
Peace.
I'm reading Habakkuk and remembering the place I was in a year ago. I was hard-hearted and weak, but pretending to be sensetive and strong. And I went through phases in the past year, just like Habakkuk, who first cried out in desperation and anger. "How long, O Lord, must I call for help, but you do not listen?" was my cry. And God whispered all the time, "Look at the nations and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe." And I would ignore and question Him some more. And He would say, "The righteous will live by faith. Let all the earth be silent before me." My mind was hardly ever silent. Until the day I got on my face and said, "I stand in awe of your deeds, O Lord. Renew them in our day, in our time make them known; in wrath remember mercy. Though life crumbles and all I know to be true gets stripped away, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in my Savior. The sovereign Lord is my strength." Now all I wanna do is constantly be in awe of You, God. Jesus, Lamb of God, worthy is Your Name. I want to know all about your love, God. I want to know what it means to truly love you and be loved by you. I want to love like you do.
Lord, forgive me. I've pursued every kind of relationship but one with you. Show me, tell me, how. How you love me, O God. Thank you for showing me my weakness, God. I'm amazed by you. I desire you, God. I desire relationship with you. YOUR love is all I need. Not anyone else's. You and me, God. Give me joy and peace that only you can give. I'm alive in you. I'm ALIVE in you. How wide, how deep, how great is your love. Thank you for renewal of purity, God. I don't deserve it. You love me. (here God brought to my attention 1 John 1:9 and 1 John 2:15-17).
Come as you are to the cross.
"This is how we know we love the children of God: by loving God and carrying out his commands. This is love for God: obeying his commands. And his commands are not burdensome, for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God. This is the one who came by water and blood--Jesus Christ." 1John 5:1-6.
I gave in and read Nahum as I have been avoiding it all morning. I was weary of reading all the terrible things..all the anger of God. But He says it's because he's JEALOUS. He's jealous for our attention and love and worship. He's slow to anger and great in power, but He won't leave the guilty unpunished. He is good, a refuge in times of trouble, and he cares for those who trust in Him, but his wrath will soon come with an overwhelming flood. Lord, I want to flood the world with your love. Have mercy for a little while longer! Let us love as you have loved us, we cry!
Dancing. I want to dance with you, God. Call out the steps. Whisper in my ear. Give me the ears to hear the steps you need me, you desire me to take! I stand in purity before you. Thank you, God, for your love and mercy and confidence in me. Thank you for breaking down my pride!
That's my heart. Do with it what you will, but where is yours? What is God saying to you today?
Peace.
Friday, September 30, 2011
On Love and Outreach
If I speak human or angelic languages but do not have love, I am a sounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
If I have the gift of prophecy and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith so that I can move mountains but do not have love, I am nothing.
And if I donate all my goods to feed the poor, and if I give my body in order to boast but do not have love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. Love does not envy, is not boastful, is not conceited, does not act improperly, is not selfish, is not provoked, and does not keep a record of wrongs. Love finds no joy in unrighteousness but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.
But as for prophecies, they will come to an end;
as for languages, they will cease;
as for knowledge, it will come to an end.
For we know in part, and we prophesy in part. But when the perfect comes, the partial will come to an end.
When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man [or woman], I put aside childish things. For now we see indistinctly, as in a mirror, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I will know fully, as I am fully known.
Now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.-1 Corinthians 13
But I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart will rejoice in your salvation.
-Psalm 13:5
Blessed be the Lord, who has not left you this day without a redeemer.
-Ruth 14:4
I've learned a few cool things today. And it's only 2:30 so far. I have so much more to learn. Today and in the next 5 months. These are some key truths that pierced my heart today:
1. I am fully known (by God) even though I don't know all of Him or all of His ways.
2. Without love, nothing would matter. Nothing would exist.
3. I am completely inadequate when it comes to my ability to love...If I put my name in the place where the word "love" shows up in 1 Corinthians 13, it would all be a lie. I've hardly ever been patient, kind, etc....
4. Someday I will get to see the meaning of true love and the extent of God's glory in full, not just in part like I do now on earth.
5. God's love is steadfast. It doesn't change. IT. DOESN'T. CHANGE.
6. God's love is enough to for him to sit and watch the blood of his own Son pour out...so that it may redeem the rest of us. He has not left us without a redeemer.
7. God's covenant with us (after sending Jesus) is a serious, intense matter. Along the same lines or moreso than a bond of marriage.
8. The bond/covenant of marriage is something I can't fully understand. I know last year at this time I had no regard for what marriage really is. Lord, forgive me for my ignorance to the beauty of your covenant.
9. There is no situation that He cannot redeem. Aside from learning a lot about love in the past few days in class, I've been praying pretty hardcore about the country God wants me to go on Outreach. I'll tell you the official decision in a few days, but I want to share with you the scriptures He showed me when pursuing this decision:
A voice says, "Cry!"
And I said, "What shall I cry?"
All flesh is grass, and all beauty is like the flower of the field.
The grass withers, the flower fades when the breath of the Lord blows in it;
Surely the people are grass.
The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever.
Get you up to a high mountain, O Zion, herald of good news;
Lift up your voice with strength, O Jerusalem, herald of good news;
Lift it up, fear not;
-Isaiah 40:6-9
God said,
"Do not say, 'I am only a youth'; for to all to whom I send you, you shall go, and whatever I command you, you shall speak. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you to deliver you."
-Jeremiah 1:7-8
I'm going to need a voice of strength. I'll need to put aside my fear of being "too young" to share God's love with the people I meet. I'll get the chance to proclaim God's glory as on a mountain high. Ahh, I love the Isaiah verse so much. And I love when he says, "Lift it up, fear not." So that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to lift up my voice, and say whatever he commands me to say, without fear. Instead of fear, I will have love. What I'm doing, who I am, where I'm going would all be worthless without love. God, help me love the people of the country you're sending me to...
Start the drumroll, people. I'm so excited to share my Outreach destination with you! Wait patiently. The time is coming...
Peace.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
School of His Eternal Glory
I'm HERE.
The huge, blue Texas sky is full of sunshine, and the temperature is a warm (but not sticky!) 88 degrees. (sidenote: they say everything's bigger in Texas, and so far I agree with that when I look at the sky at night...man how the sky glitters and shines in every direction with those stars.)Well, if you're wondering how travels went, look at Brittany's blog! She posted on the smoothness of our travels and how God has had His hand in all we've done to get here so far. I'm still a little speechless about it. (here's her blog, check it out! http://brittanyschwantz.blogspot.com/2011/09/texas.html?spref=fb)
So, I had hoped to take lots of pictures the first couple of days to have them on my first blog post, but we've been so stinkin' busy I haven't even thought about the fact that I have a camera--aside from random pictures with my phone that I've uploaded straight to Facebook. I'm hoping I'll have some pics up in here for y'all next time. (the y'all was a joke, people. a joke.) Brittany doesn't have a camera, so I'll get you some pictures she wants to share with you guys too.
I am currently sitting in a little cafe/lounge called The Substation drinking probably the best chocolate-banana smoothie I've ever dreamed of having. YUMM! I'm gonna savor it as much as I can, though, because starting tomorrow at this time instead of blogging and junk-fooding, I'm going to be working out in the weight-room we have here on campus. I'm really excited about that. It's definitely one of MANY prayers God answered in me coming here, so I'm going to try to honor Him in utilizing it as much as possible. At this moment most of my new friends/classmates are on their "work duty." We are each assigned special work projects to take care of every day here on campus (so that we don't have to pay someone on the outside to do it, and to build up our servant's hearts). My work duty is to clean the main office building with 5 others. We dust desks and vacuum floors and windex windows in the offices of the full-time staff who bless us every day by doing the behind the scenes office work. None of this would be here without them, so I'm grateful for the chance to bless the people in places like Accounting, even if only for an hour, by cleaning their office. My work duty is at 6pm every day, unlike most who start at 1pm.
Our daily schedule has been packed full of new information and crazy adjustment, but today I'm finally starting to feel like this is an adjustment I CAN make. Praise God.
I'm going to be honest with you: I wasn't really excited about this whole thing when I got here. I was so stinkin' excited in the days leading up to last Sunday, and on the plane/bus ride here I couldn't contain my anticipation giggles. But once I got my stuff unpacked into my tiny room, I was completely overwhelmed and very unsure of this whole thing for the next 24 hours or so. I didn't feel like I could belong and that everyone else was supposed to be here but me. And with perfect timing, of course, Anna (who is in D.C. right now and will come back to Tyler in a week!) texted me and asked me how I was doing and what I was thinking. "I kinda just wanna hide under a rock and dig my way home to MN," I replied. Then she assured me that everyone around me probably feels the same. And I'm coming to realize that's true. So I'm beginning to open up and be myself with the people around me now and am really excited about the friendships God is fusing together already.
There are 47 of us in my DTS class. That's a lot of names, faces, and personalities! I was incredibly overwhelmed on Sunday and Monday. But we're starting to get the hang of each other's names and are beginning to recognize some staff members as well. Today we got put into Small Groups, and I'm very excited about mine. There are 8 of us; Brittany and I are in the same group! I'm incredibly excited to see what God has in store for my friendship with her...she and Trent have blessed me in countless ways in the past 3 days, I can only imagine what else they can teach me in the next 5 months. I'm so honored that God has allowed me to be part of this time in their lives.
Gah, there is just so much to share!
I want some feedback: what do you guys want me to write about? Because I could either write about the physical and technical aspects of what I'm doing here on a daily basis, or I could just dive in deep and get into what I'm learning and what's going on in my heart. You guys are the ones who read this, so what would you like to hear? I desire to share both with you as best I can...but you know how long-winded I can be.... :) I'm going to try my best to have a balance of both. I'm just wondering if you'd like one more than the other? Let me know!
So, if you'd like to physically get a hold of me instead of just reading my silly blogs, here's my contact info!
Calling me: I have my "free time" (which I will usually be spending in the weight room) from 1pm-3:30pm, so if you'd like to chat, try calling me then! Otherwise, I have pretty open Saturdays and evenings during the week.
Texting me: Do it any time, all the time! I may or may not respond right away, but I usually catch them when they come. I'd love to see that notification from you. :)
My address: SEND ME STUFF :) I like it. My US Mail address (it's different for FedEx/UPS) is
Kelsey Rieland YWAM DTS
P.O. Box 3000
Garden Valley, TX 75771
I'd love to hear from you! I miss Minnesota and the people in it. And I'd love to share with you personally what God is doing here and how He's working in my heart.
My specific DTS has a class "name" or theme; we're called the School of His Eternal Glory. The staff has felt like our class was meant for the purpose of God's eternal glory and that we have something untouchable and heavenly to be a part of here. God's doing some really, really cool things guys. The Spirit is stirring and I'm speechless. I'll try to describe it in words to the best of my ability when I get more clarity soon.
Be in prayer for us as we decide where each of us are going on Outreach this Friday. (We leave for Outreach Jan.2.) Trust me...I'll let you know where I'm going as soon as I find out... :)
Peace.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Listen With Your Heart
I love Disney. It's a simple fact. I don't think I'll ever get sick of those Disney classics.
When I was younger, my 2 favorite classics were The Lion King and Pocahontas. I think the thing I mostly enjoyed about Pocahontas as a child was the music. The musical scenes are enchanting and gripping. An obvious example is The Colors of The Wind. But I particularly have always enjoyed this short musical scene:
I always wanted a Grandmother Willow in my back yard... :)
Anyway, I don't believe in spirits in the way Native Americans do; just to make it clear, I believe in the One True God of the Bible and in His Son Jesus Christ. But I love this scene. Pocahontas is asking how she'll ever find her path. Maybe even at age 6, I knew I could relate to Pocahontas in that. Because now at age 20, I still ask God, "What is my path? How am I ever going to find it?" I've been asking God that for a long time.
Making life decisions makes me wish I had a Grandmother Willow. Whenever I had a decision to make, I would just go sit beneath her wilted branches and ask; then she would sing me a song or give me a compass and I would know what I needed to do. (see http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RSu4hOLYrXk&feature=related from 2:20 on...!).
The leap of faith I'm taking in going to Texas (in 13 days!) for YWAM is huge. And I have confidence and peace about it. So don't think I'm second-guessing that particular life decision. But there have been life-changers in the past that I've not been so confident about.
Relationships are...everything. God is a relational God. We have a relationship with Him, and we have relationships with the people around us.
Relationships are...hard work. Like a garden, they need constant attention, nurture, and care. And I firmly believe that when my relationship with God isn't being properly nurtured, my relationships with people begin to dry up as well. In the past, I have fully relied on my own strength to maintain relationships. And when my own strength failed (with more than one relationship), I gave up. I ran. Oh, what would have happened if I had been fully relied upon God's strength?
But now is not the time for what-ifs and regrets. All I have now is what I'm doing in the present and how I'm going to impact my future.
So for guidance, since there is a limited supply of Grandmother Willow Trees in the world, I turn pages in God's Word. And in my journal.
Before I share a few key Bible verses with you, I want to share something I wrote from one of my journals. My heart was in a beautiful place at the ages of 14 and 15. My 2006 journal is dear to my heart. I read it often to inspire myself...the wisdom and purity on the pages shocks me sometimes. At the end of this journal is an interesting page. Untitled, it just begins, almost like a poem:
It seemed so simple and natural to me back then. My heart, if it was accurately connected with God's desires, would make all the decisions that my brain wants to make on its own. So I sought to align my heart with God's.
Almost 5 years have passed since I wrote that. I'm working to align my heart with God's again. My eyes and brain have taken over in the past few years. I've strayed away from my heart. I've given my heart away so many times to so many things...now all I want is to hand it over to God.
I know He's the only one who can truly protect my heart. Proverbs 4:23 says: "Guard your heart above all else, for it is the source [wellspring] of life" (CSB). I know now that I can't listen to, follow, or guard my heart without God's help. Life simply isn't able to be lived without first guarding our hearts and aligning them with God's. Eva Liu said, "Some foods will naturally go bad if they aren't preserved; if we need to preserve our resources for later use, we must set them aside intentionally or else they will be used up. Likewise, our hearts have a natural tendency to be given away. Guarding one's heart means to save it for Whom it is meant to be given." Our hearts are meant for God. Only when He has our heart can it truly be used to its full potential in every other relationship and aspect of our lives.
Proverbs 4 continues, "Let our eyes look forward; fix your gaze straight ahead. Carefully consider the path for your feet, and all your ways will be established" (CSB).
Psalm 37:4-5 says, "Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you your heart's desires. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him, and He will act" (CSB).
So as I continue to run after God's heart, I'll be praying David's prayer...
Peace.
When I was younger, my 2 favorite classics were The Lion King and Pocahontas. I think the thing I mostly enjoyed about Pocahontas as a child was the music. The musical scenes are enchanting and gripping. An obvious example is The Colors of The Wind. But I particularly have always enjoyed this short musical scene:
I always wanted a Grandmother Willow in my back yard... :)
Anyway, I don't believe in spirits in the way Native Americans do; just to make it clear, I believe in the One True God of the Bible and in His Son Jesus Christ. But I love this scene. Pocahontas is asking how she'll ever find her path. Maybe even at age 6, I knew I could relate to Pocahontas in that. Because now at age 20, I still ask God, "What is my path? How am I ever going to find it?" I've been asking God that for a long time.
Making life decisions makes me wish I had a Grandmother Willow. Whenever I had a decision to make, I would just go sit beneath her wilted branches and ask; then she would sing me a song or give me a compass and I would know what I needed to do. (see http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RSu4hOLYrXk&feature=related from 2:20 on...!).
The leap of faith I'm taking in going to Texas (in 13 days!) for YWAM is huge. And I have confidence and peace about it. So don't think I'm second-guessing that particular life decision. But there have been life-changers in the past that I've not been so confident about.
Relationships are...everything. God is a relational God. We have a relationship with Him, and we have relationships with the people around us.
Relationships are...hard work. Like a garden, they need constant attention, nurture, and care. And I firmly believe that when my relationship with God isn't being properly nurtured, my relationships with people begin to dry up as well. In the past, I have fully relied on my own strength to maintain relationships. And when my own strength failed (with more than one relationship), I gave up. I ran. Oh, what would have happened if I had been fully relied upon God's strength?
But now is not the time for what-ifs and regrets. All I have now is what I'm doing in the present and how I'm going to impact my future.
So for guidance, since there is a limited supply of Grandmother Willow Trees in the world, I turn pages in God's Word. And in my journal.
Before I share a few key Bible verses with you, I want to share something I wrote from one of my journals. My heart was in a beautiful place at the ages of 14 and 15. My 2006 journal is dear to my heart. I read it often to inspire myself...the wisdom and purity on the pages shocks me sometimes. At the end of this journal is an interesting page. Untitled, it just begins, almost like a poem:
"I need a place where I can go to make my world complete.
I need nothing, though, with the eyes of the Lord.
I truly believe I have the eyes of a Godly heart.
Eyes are a powerful tool often misused and taken for granted.
Eyes, technically, are connected to your brain, which is connected to your heart. This is the function of a worldly body.
A body of Christ, however, sees first with its heart, then mind, then eyes. -January 1, 2007"
It seemed so simple and natural to me back then. My heart, if it was accurately connected with God's desires, would make all the decisions that my brain wants to make on its own. So I sought to align my heart with God's.
Almost 5 years have passed since I wrote that. I'm working to align my heart with God's again. My eyes and brain have taken over in the past few years. I've strayed away from my heart. I've given my heart away so many times to so many things...now all I want is to hand it over to God.
I know He's the only one who can truly protect my heart. Proverbs 4:23 says: "Guard your heart above all else, for it is the source [wellspring] of life" (CSB). I know now that I can't listen to, follow, or guard my heart without God's help. Life simply isn't able to be lived without first guarding our hearts and aligning them with God's. Eva Liu said, "Some foods will naturally go bad if they aren't preserved; if we need to preserve our resources for later use, we must set them aside intentionally or else they will be used up. Likewise, our hearts have a natural tendency to be given away. Guarding one's heart means to save it for Whom it is meant to be given." Our hearts are meant for God. Only when He has our heart can it truly be used to its full potential in every other relationship and aspect of our lives.
Proverbs 4 continues, "Let our eyes look forward; fix your gaze straight ahead. Carefully consider the path for your feet, and all your ways will be established" (CSB).
Psalm 37:4-5 says, "Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you your heart's desires. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him, and He will act" (CSB).
So as I continue to run after God's heart, I'll be praying David's prayer...
The Lord is my portion.
I have promised to keep Your words.
I have sought Your favor with all my heart;
be gracious to me according to Your promise.
I thought about my ways and have turned my steps back to Your decrees.
I hurried, not hesitating to keep Your commands.
Lord, the earth is filled with Your faithful love;
teach me your statutes.
-Psalm 119:57-60, 64
Peace.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Being Who You Are: Salt and Light
"To become new men means losing what we now call 'ourselves.' Out of our selves, into Christ, we must go. His will is to become ours and we are to think His thoughts, to 'have the mind of Christ' as the Bible says. And if Christ is one, and if He is thus to be 'in' us all, shall we not be exactly the same? It certainly sounds like it; but in fact it is not so. It is difficult here to get a good illustration; because, of course, no other two things are related to each other just as the Creator is related to one of His creatures. But I will try two very imperfect illustrations which may give a hint to the truth. Imagine a lot of people who have always lived in the dark. You come and try to describe to them what light is like. You might tell them that if they come into the light that same light would fall on them all and they would all reflect it and thus become what we call visible. Is it not quite possible that they would imagine that, since they were all receiving the same light, and all reacting to it in the same way (i.e. all reflecting it), they would all look alike? Whereas you and I know that the light will in fact bring out, or show up, how different they are. Or again, suppose a person who knew nothing about salt. You give him a pinch to taste and he experiences a particular strong, sharp taste. You then tell him that in your country people use salt in all their cookery. Might he not reply 'In that case I suppose all your dishes taste exactly the same: because the taste of that stuff you have just given me is so srong that it will kill the taste of everything else.' But you and I know that the real effect of salt is exactly the opposite. So far from killing the taste of the egg and the tripe and the cabbage, it actually brings it out. They do not show their real taste till you have added the salt.
The more we get what we now call 'ourselves' out of the way and let Him take us over, the more truly ourselves we become. There is so much of Him that millions and millions of 'little Christs', all different, will still be too few to express Him fully. He made them all. He invented--as an author invents characters in a novel--all the different men that you and I were intended to be. In that sense our real selves are all waiting for us in Him. It is no good trying to 'be myself' without Him. The more I resist Him and try to live on my own, the more I become dominated by my own heredity and upbringing and surroundings and natural desires. In fact what I so proudly call 'Myself' becomes merely the meeting place for trains of events which I never started and which I cannot stop. What I call 'My wishes' become merely the desires thrown up by my phyiscal organism or pumped into me by other men's thoughts or even suggested to me by devils. Eggs and alcohol and a good night's sleep will be the real origins of what I flatter myself by regarding as my own highly personal and discriminating decision to make love to the girl opposite to me in the railway carriage. Propaganda will be the real origin of what I regard as my own personal political ideas. I am not, in my natural state, nearly so much of a person as I like to believe: most of what I call 'me' can be very easily explained. It is when I turn to Christ, when I give myself up to His Personality, that I first begin to have a real personality of my own."
In Matthew 5, Jesus tells us that we are the "salt of the earth" and the "light of the world." That's who we are. Who we are, who I am, is found in Christ. C.S. Lewis said that "our real selves are all waiting for us in Him." My real self is waiting for me in Christ.
I feel like I've been really working at discovering "my real self" in Christ. I also feel like it's going to be a life-long process. But if it brings me closer to Christ and who He is, I don't think I'll mind spending my whole life discovering "me." It's going to be a journey. A journey toward Psalm 37:3-7. A journey toward Christ. A journey with Christ. A journey for Christ.
How exciting! :)
Peace.
ps. in case you were wondering, I got my acceptance to YWAM recently! it's official, and I'm in the process of raising money and preparing myself...! yippee!
The more we get what we now call 'ourselves' out of the way and let Him take us over, the more truly ourselves we become. There is so much of Him that millions and millions of 'little Christs', all different, will still be too few to express Him fully. He made them all. He invented--as an author invents characters in a novel--all the different men that you and I were intended to be. In that sense our real selves are all waiting for us in Him. It is no good trying to 'be myself' without Him. The more I resist Him and try to live on my own, the more I become dominated by my own heredity and upbringing and surroundings and natural desires. In fact what I so proudly call 'Myself' becomes merely the meeting place for trains of events which I never started and which I cannot stop. What I call 'My wishes' become merely the desires thrown up by my phyiscal organism or pumped into me by other men's thoughts or even suggested to me by devils. Eggs and alcohol and a good night's sleep will be the real origins of what I flatter myself by regarding as my own highly personal and discriminating decision to make love to the girl opposite to me in the railway carriage. Propaganda will be the real origin of what I regard as my own personal political ideas. I am not, in my natural state, nearly so much of a person as I like to believe: most of what I call 'me' can be very easily explained. It is when I turn to Christ, when I give myself up to His Personality, that I first begin to have a real personality of my own."
--C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity
In Matthew 5, Jesus tells us that we are the "salt of the earth" and the "light of the world." That's who we are. Who we are, who I am, is found in Christ. C.S. Lewis said that "our real selves are all waiting for us in Him." My real self is waiting for me in Christ.
I feel like I've been really working at discovering "my real self" in Christ. I also feel like it's going to be a life-long process. But if it brings me closer to Christ and who He is, I don't think I'll mind spending my whole life discovering "me." It's going to be a journey. A journey toward Psalm 37:3-7. A journey toward Christ. A journey with Christ. A journey for Christ.
How exciting! :)
Peace.
ps. in case you were wondering, I got my acceptance to YWAM recently! it's official, and I'm in the process of raising money and preparing myself...! yippee!
Monday, August 1, 2011
You Make Me New, You Are Making Me New
There are probably a hundred things I could write to you about today, friends. God is so good. And faithful. I can't get over Him.
Ya know, if you haven't read Psalm 51 before, I'm going to encourage you to do it. Right now. It's a beautiful prayer for restoration. My Bible tells me that this is a psalm of David, written when Nathan came to him after the adultery committed with Bathsheba.
David is an inspiring person. I am inspired by him all the time. I think he and I understand each other; like our brains work the same. His story (read 1 Samuel 16 - 2 Samuel 24) and his psalms never cease to teach me something, touch my life, and open my eyes to who I am and what I need. So I love this psalm. Last summer when I was on summer-long staff at Camp Lebanon, Psalm 51 was something we all had to memorize.
Reading it this summer..."Create a clean heart for me and renew a steadfast spirit within me" takes on a whole new meaning after what has gone on in my life in the past year.
I want to talk about restoration. It's a beautiful thing I've recently been learning about. :)
David wrote Psalm 51 begging God to restore him; to restore the relationship he had with his Creator before he went through such sin and rebellion. And that has become my prayer in the past couple of months. As I continue to pursue the woman God created me to be (with the help of Psalm 37:3-7 and some amazing friends), I've been noticing that I need to keep asking God to restore me or put me back together. I've given up so many huge parts of me and parts of my heart in the past year that, at times, I've lost hope in what God can do with me. What could God possibly do with me now? I'm not whole anymore. I'm broken and used. I forced myself into a pit that God can't even get me out of. As I would say those things to myself, I could feel a check in my spirit saying "You know that's not true. You know God can restore you. Don't limit Him. Just ask."
So I did. I asked. And I think I asked at the perfect time...God's timing is so beautiful...because right after I asked Him to restore my brokenness, I packed up to go be a camp counselor for a week at Lebanon.
Words won't do much justice for what I experienced last week at Camp. It was so incredible! I saw God move in beautiful ways: through me, through the 11 girls in my cabin (go Sweden!), and through the staff I worked alongside. Senior High week is the most anticipated week of the summer for Lebanon staff. We get to change up the schedule, plan surprises, film silly videos, and have the deepest of conversations with campers close to our age. It's a fun, stressful, crazy, moving, changing week for all.
Through all the crazy, I experienced the most rest and peace last week than I have in the past year. God gave me the most amazing girls to counsel. He gave me joy and contentment. He answered prayer. SO MUCH prayer. God is so good.
The Spirit moved. And I love the phrase, "where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." I experienced freedom last week; freedom from my fears, my failures, my doubt, my rebellion, my sin, and myself. And it feels so incredible! All I want to do is be on my knees all the time and thank Him for being so faithful and gracious. In His faithfulness and love, He has shown me what it means to be restored.
Can I get an AMEN?! Woohoo!
I feel ready to move forward now. Like truly ready. I know I've spoken a lot about "moving forward" in my previous blog posts, but all of that was talk within my own strength. I don't operate that way anymore. My strength comes from my Creator now. And it's so crazy good. Seriously: the joy of the Lord is my strength. It's a real thing. So now I feel ready, as I continue to trust in the Lord and do good; to dwell in the land and live securely; to take delight in the Lord and commit my way to Him; to make my righteousness shine like the dawn and be silent before the Lord; and to wait expectantly for him (Psalm 37-3-7), I feel more and more equipped to hop on a plane and go to Texas.
That's right, friends. I have sent in my application to YWAM in Tyler, Texas. I haven't gotten the official acceptance, but I did receive a positive phone call from them a couple of days ago. I'm beaming just thinking about it! I'll provide more details in the future, but if it's truly God's will for me to go, I will be arriving for my YWAM DTS on September 25. :)
Could you pray for me as I move in this direction? I love you all, very much. And I'm so thankful...God has made beautiful things.
Peace.
Ya know, if you haven't read Psalm 51 before, I'm going to encourage you to do it. Right now. It's a beautiful prayer for restoration. My Bible tells me that this is a psalm of David, written when Nathan came to him after the adultery committed with Bathsheba.
David is an inspiring person. I am inspired by him all the time. I think he and I understand each other; like our brains work the same. His story (read 1 Samuel 16 - 2 Samuel 24) and his psalms never cease to teach me something, touch my life, and open my eyes to who I am and what I need. So I love this psalm. Last summer when I was on summer-long staff at Camp Lebanon, Psalm 51 was something we all had to memorize.
Reading it this summer..."Create a clean heart for me and renew a steadfast spirit within me" takes on a whole new meaning after what has gone on in my life in the past year.
I want to talk about restoration. It's a beautiful thing I've recently been learning about. :)
David wrote Psalm 51 begging God to restore him; to restore the relationship he had with his Creator before he went through such sin and rebellion. And that has become my prayer in the past couple of months. As I continue to pursue the woman God created me to be (with the help of Psalm 37:3-7 and some amazing friends), I've been noticing that I need to keep asking God to restore me or put me back together. I've given up so many huge parts of me and parts of my heart in the past year that, at times, I've lost hope in what God can do with me. What could God possibly do with me now? I'm not whole anymore. I'm broken and used. I forced myself into a pit that God can't even get me out of. As I would say those things to myself, I could feel a check in my spirit saying "You know that's not true. You know God can restore you. Don't limit Him. Just ask."
So I did. I asked. And I think I asked at the perfect time...God's timing is so beautiful...because right after I asked Him to restore my brokenness, I packed up to go be a camp counselor for a week at Lebanon.
Words won't do much justice for what I experienced last week at Camp. It was so incredible! I saw God move in beautiful ways: through me, through the 11 girls in my cabin (go Sweden!), and through the staff I worked alongside. Senior High week is the most anticipated week of the summer for Lebanon staff. We get to change up the schedule, plan surprises, film silly videos, and have the deepest of conversations with campers close to our age. It's a fun, stressful, crazy, moving, changing week for all.
Through all the crazy, I experienced the most rest and peace last week than I have in the past year. God gave me the most amazing girls to counsel. He gave me joy and contentment. He answered prayer. SO MUCH prayer. God is so good.
The Spirit moved. And I love the phrase, "where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." I experienced freedom last week; freedom from my fears, my failures, my doubt, my rebellion, my sin, and myself. And it feels so incredible! All I want to do is be on my knees all the time and thank Him for being so faithful and gracious. In His faithfulness and love, He has shown me what it means to be restored.
I feel ready to move forward now. Like truly ready. I know I've spoken a lot about "moving forward" in my previous blog posts, but all of that was talk within my own strength. I don't operate that way anymore. My strength comes from my Creator now. And it's so crazy good. Seriously: the joy of the Lord is my strength. It's a real thing. So now I feel ready, as I continue to trust in the Lord and do good; to dwell in the land and live securely; to take delight in the Lord and commit my way to Him; to make my righteousness shine like the dawn and be silent before the Lord; and to wait expectantly for him (Psalm 37-3-7), I feel more and more equipped to hop on a plane and go to Texas.
That's right, friends. I have sent in my application to YWAM in Tyler, Texas. I haven't gotten the official acceptance, but I did receive a positive phone call from them a couple of days ago. I'm beaming just thinking about it! I'll provide more details in the future, but if it's truly God's will for me to go, I will be arriving for my YWAM DTS on September 25. :)
Could you pray for me as I move in this direction? I love you all, very much. And I'm so thankful...God has made beautiful things.
Peace.
Friday, July 22, 2011
You Can't. Always Get. What You Want.
I've got a thing for basing my blog posts off of songs.
A friend of mine recently told me something that we've learned from each other. He said, "Get what you need before you try to get what you want." And I chuckled to myself because I immediately started singing the Rolling Stones song in my head. He was being serious, though, and I completely agree with him. It's the only strategy that makes sense; it's the only way to actually get what you want.
As our conversation progressed, we asked each other: What do you want?
I've been asking myself that a lot lately.
But maybe my focus is off.
Maybe I should really be asking myself: What do I need?
Psalm 37:4-5 is a good start. Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him, and He will act.
That's all there is to it...! HE WILL ACT. God will act. He will give me what I need. And after that, He'll give me the desires of my heart. All I need to do is be content in Him. To rest in Him and put my trust in Him, not anybody or anything else.
I feel like I've just had a light bulb moment. It all just makes sense. I've been placing so much of my trust on myself, others, and earthly things that I've started to believe that they can give me what I want and what I think I need. They don't know what I need! God knows.
And placing all your trust into anyone or anything other than God is...a dead-end. And hitting that dead-end hurts. I was in that position of hurt before I heard those words come out of my friend's mouth. Get what you need before you try to get what you want.
So, what do we need? Well I'll spare you the Sunday School answer and just let you ask yourself...what do you really, truly need?
Peace.
A friend of mine recently told me something that we've learned from each other. He said, "Get what you need before you try to get what you want." And I chuckled to myself because I immediately started singing the Rolling Stones song in my head. He was being serious, though, and I completely agree with him. It's the only strategy that makes sense; it's the only way to actually get what you want.
As our conversation progressed, we asked each other: What do you want?
I've been asking myself that a lot lately.
But maybe my focus is off.
Maybe I should really be asking myself: What do I need?
Psalm 37:4-5 is a good start. Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him, and He will act.
That's all there is to it...! HE WILL ACT. God will act. He will give me what I need. And after that, He'll give me the desires of my heart. All I need to do is be content in Him. To rest in Him and put my trust in Him, not anybody or anything else.
I feel like I've just had a light bulb moment. It all just makes sense. I've been placing so much of my trust on myself, others, and earthly things that I've started to believe that they can give me what I want and what I think I need. They don't know what I need! God knows.
And placing all your trust into anyone or anything other than God is...a dead-end. And hitting that dead-end hurts. I was in that position of hurt before I heard those words come out of my friend's mouth. Get what you need before you try to get what you want.
So, what do we need? Well I'll spare you the Sunday School answer and just let you ask yourself...what do you really, truly need?
Peace.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Video Killed the Radio Star
Oh-ah-Oh!
Video killed the radio star,Video killed the radio star...
You're singing it, aren't you? That catchy 1981 hit by The Buggles takes 2 seconds to get stuck in our heads, about a minute to get annoying, and a day or two to stop singing or humming it.
I know I've been singing it for a couple of days.
Really, I can't explain why I usually have a month or more between blog posts. I guess I'm more of a writer than a typer. But my summer so far has been...a transition of sorts. And those types of things are difficult to put into words a lot of the time.
I suppose I should fill you in on how I'm doing with my new diet and exercise system.
Ummm...
Well it's not as...intense as it was when I last blogged. :) Intense, meaning, that when I first started and blogged about it, I was super gung-ho about it and was pretty pumped to start looking and feeling good. And I expected to have off-days and slip-ups. But I didn't expect summer to be so...like summer. Summer is much less structured than any other time of year. More barbeques, bonfires, weddings, and grad parties; less school, breakfast, work, or lunch meetings. To me that equals more junk food. It's everywhere! But despite the temptations (which I have given into much more than I would have liked this summer) I have continued to remember the list I made (in my previous blog post) on how to be more healthy.
And I feel healthier. I feel healthy which I'm positive makes me look healthy. I know I didn't look or feel healthy at all last May and the months leading up to it. I was about to hit a slippery slope of declining health and medical issues that I wasn't ready for. So I thank God for this summer and my opportunity to take it easy and really focus on my health and what I'm doing for and to my body.
"You...have a new glow about you," my doctor said to me last week. "I'm speechless. I feel like I'm looking at someone completely different than whoever walked into my office 2 months ago. I'm getting teary-eyed just looking at you!" I smiled with a full heart and was speechless as well. I felt what she was talking about. I feel different than I did 2 months ago.
Some days I'm more smiley and optimistic than others about the changes happening in my life. This week the smile is a little harder to find.
Lately I feel like my life is just change after change after change.
God, how far do you have to stretch me and change me before I can rest?
I feel like I'm getting a little change-fatigued. The changes I've gone through in my life in the past 10 months are countless, I think.
So now the current change. The title of my blog is the name of a song I've been going over in my head for the past couple of days, and there's a reason for it: In a literal way, when music videos on MTV were released, music changed forever. Music stars could no longer just "get by" by the sound of their voices on the radio. They needed an image. They needed to have "the look" and the moves that would be just right for videos and television. A new era of music had taken the stage. And some musicians were left behind in the previous era, not able to keep up with the changes being made in the music industry, while others jumped the train on the fast track through the new era and thrived. Stars on the radio were no longer stars. Video killed the radio star.
Okay, now maybe that doesn't make any sense to you, but it does in my mind. I'm entering this new era in my life. I can't stop the train of change that is barreling down the tracks of my life, so I'm embracing it. However, some things in my life that I've been holding on to seem to no longer have a place in this new era. They seem to only belong to the previous era and are being suffocated by the changes my life holds.
And that makes me sad. A lot of love and time were poured into the people and things of the previous era. But the train just won't stop. Once music videos were released, there was no going back.
Now there's no going back.
So here I am. On this journey toward Psalm 37:3-7, and there's no stopping me. I'm still growing, learning, and discovering new things. I'm thankful for the people and things in my life so far. God is good and He will continue to be good.
Peace.
Friday, May 20, 2011
A New Season
Hello friends! It's been a long time since my last post. My apologies. But I'm back! And I'm adding onto my journey.
It's SUMMER! And although it's raining right now (and will be for the next 4 days, according to the weatherman who I'm sure receives hate mail from annoyed Minnesotans daily) I'm still excited for this new season. You see, I have officially entered into a new season of my Psalm 37 Journey now that summer has arrived.
Everyone, it seems, is in some way or another unsatisfied with their weight. And they always say they want to "lose a few pounds" but just never get around to it. Or they actually try to work out and faithfully hit the gym 3 or 4 times before sort of giving up. And lots of people I know (my mom, for example) have tried diet after diet in attempts to lose the 10-20 pounds they gained over the long Minnesota winter months. Because let's face it: we all want to look good in our swim suits. Guys too. But for us women it gets complicated the more we think about how uncomfortable we are in our bodies. So, we have this desire to look good. Now what?
As school was nearing an end, I seemed to go to more and more doctor's appointments. For me, now, this new phase of hardcore diet and exercise is fueled by much more than my desire to look good in my swim suit. Yes, I've wanted to lose some weight for about 2 years, but never had the ambition or drive to truly get rid of it. I sat around at college and ate at Perkins weekly instead. So as my declining health was becoming more evident this year, my desire changed. I suddenly had this urge, this craving to be healthy. Working out and not going to McDonald's for lunch wasn't about shedding my weight anymore, it was about doing something for myself and being someone I wanted to be...someone I needed to be. Being healthy or getting on the road to being healthy was in my hands, and it wasn't a choice. No amount of perscriptions or operations that the doctor could give were going to do for me what I needed. Only a drastic change in diet and exercise could give me the health I needed and desired.
So! My mom and I began an accountability system together. We went and sought out a personal trainer who now works with us three times a week. We have a strict calorie limit each day (1,100 on days without exercise, and 1,500 on days with exercise) and are required to keep a detailed journal/log of our fat, protein, and carbohydrate intake every day to hand in to our trainer. She evaluates our meals and tells us what we could improve on and what we did right. Then she works us, hard, in an hour of exercise. The most difficult part of this so far is my new diet. At my last doctor's appointment, the doctor told me to start an Elimination Diet for the next month. Now the goal of the Elimination Diet is to rid yourself of the usual junk you eat for a month, and then slowly incorporate normal foods into your diet again to pinpoint what foods you may have food allergies to. This diet therefore cuts out all dairy, wheats/breads, soy, caffeine, red meats, gluten, and peanuts. And let me tell you...the stuff on that list is in A LOT of food. I thought it would be impossible to find any food to eat for a month besides organic chicken and apples.
But I have to tell you, once I got over the shock of withdrawl from my favorite junk foods (I miss pizza and chocolate the most), I really have begun to embrace this new food adventure. I look at the grocery store a whole new way now. I look at labels and count calories. Like...what? Who does that, right? Well, I do! And it's actually eye-opening. Looking at calories alone, I'm amazed at how easily I would end each day with 4,000-5,000 calories with only 2 or 3 meals a day, whereas now with my 6-7 meals a day I can barely reach 1,200. My eyes are opened now to the unhealthy way I've been living, and I'm really excited to actually live and see what it's like to live healthy.
Now a few of you have seen on Facebook that I've already lost 4 lbs. in the past 6 days and have asked me for advice, which is awesome! Giving weight loss and health advice is definitely not something I ever thought I'd be doing in my lifetime. But I'd love to help! I want people to be as excited about their health as I am. :) So I'm going to make you a list (as short and simple as I can make it) of main points you need to know if you want to start getting healthy, if that's ok with you!! And as I continue on my journey, I'm sure this list will grow as my knowledge and experience grows. :) You could maybe print it out and tape it on your mirror or fridge if you need visual accountability.
Well, that's all I've got for now! I'm excited to add to that list and continue sharing my new season's experiences with you this summer. And if you're going to change your lifestyle a little bit like I have, let me know! I want to help keep you accountable and see how you're doing as well! It'll be cool to see what the results will be for us in a few months. :)
Peace.
-kelsey
It's SUMMER! And although it's raining right now (and will be for the next 4 days, according to the weatherman who I'm sure receives hate mail from annoyed Minnesotans daily) I'm still excited for this new season. You see, I have officially entered into a new season of my Psalm 37 Journey now that summer has arrived.
Everyone, it seems, is in some way or another unsatisfied with their weight. And they always say they want to "lose a few pounds" but just never get around to it. Or they actually try to work out and faithfully hit the gym 3 or 4 times before sort of giving up. And lots of people I know (my mom, for example) have tried diet after diet in attempts to lose the 10-20 pounds they gained over the long Minnesota winter months. Because let's face it: we all want to look good in our swim suits. Guys too. But for us women it gets complicated the more we think about how uncomfortable we are in our bodies. So, we have this desire to look good. Now what?
As school was nearing an end, I seemed to go to more and more doctor's appointments. For me, now, this new phase of hardcore diet and exercise is fueled by much more than my desire to look good in my swim suit. Yes, I've wanted to lose some weight for about 2 years, but never had the ambition or drive to truly get rid of it. I sat around at college and ate at Perkins weekly instead. So as my declining health was becoming more evident this year, my desire changed. I suddenly had this urge, this craving to be healthy. Working out and not going to McDonald's for lunch wasn't about shedding my weight anymore, it was about doing something for myself and being someone I wanted to be...someone I needed to be. Being healthy or getting on the road to being healthy was in my hands, and it wasn't a choice. No amount of perscriptions or operations that the doctor could give were going to do for me what I needed. Only a drastic change in diet and exercise could give me the health I needed and desired.
So! My mom and I began an accountability system together. We went and sought out a personal trainer who now works with us three times a week. We have a strict calorie limit each day (1,100 on days without exercise, and 1,500 on days with exercise) and are required to keep a detailed journal/log of our fat, protein, and carbohydrate intake every day to hand in to our trainer. She evaluates our meals and tells us what we could improve on and what we did right. Then she works us, hard, in an hour of exercise. The most difficult part of this so far is my new diet. At my last doctor's appointment, the doctor told me to start an Elimination Diet for the next month. Now the goal of the Elimination Diet is to rid yourself of the usual junk you eat for a month, and then slowly incorporate normal foods into your diet again to pinpoint what foods you may have food allergies to. This diet therefore cuts out all dairy, wheats/breads, soy, caffeine, red meats, gluten, and peanuts. And let me tell you...the stuff on that list is in A LOT of food. I thought it would be impossible to find any food to eat for a month besides organic chicken and apples.
But I have to tell you, once I got over the shock of withdrawl from my favorite junk foods (I miss pizza and chocolate the most), I really have begun to embrace this new food adventure. I look at the grocery store a whole new way now. I look at labels and count calories. Like...what? Who does that, right? Well, I do! And it's actually eye-opening. Looking at calories alone, I'm amazed at how easily I would end each day with 4,000-5,000 calories with only 2 or 3 meals a day, whereas now with my 6-7 meals a day I can barely reach 1,200. My eyes are opened now to the unhealthy way I've been living, and I'm really excited to actually live and see what it's like to live healthy.
Now a few of you have seen on Facebook that I've already lost 4 lbs. in the past 6 days and have asked me for advice, which is awesome! Giving weight loss and health advice is definitely not something I ever thought I'd be doing in my lifetime. But I'd love to help! I want people to be as excited about their health as I am. :) So I'm going to make you a list (as short and simple as I can make it) of main points you need to know if you want to start getting healthy, if that's ok with you!! And as I continue on my journey, I'm sure this list will grow as my knowledge and experience grows. :) You could maybe print it out and tape it on your mirror or fridge if you need visual accountability.
A List of Things You Need To Know To be Healthy
- Eat more than just 3 meals a day, if possible. (Instead of 3 large meals, your metabolism works best if you eat small portions every 3 hours! Help your metabolism kick in!)
- Eat breakfast! (Give your body 30 mins after waking up, then eat a hearty breakfast filled with a good amount of carbs)
- Exercise for about 60 min every day. (And this doesn't mean going to the gym and pushing yourself to your limit. Go for a walk with a friend or your dog! Rollerblade! Play Wii's Just Dance for an hour! Do something to move your body. And it's going to be easier to do since it's summer now) :)
- If you want to really start exercising, do it with a friend. (Seriously, I can't stress accountability enough. I would not be doing what I'm doing without the push of my mom and my friends. I need them, and they need me. Be someone's accountability as they become yours. Set a specific time with your friend every other day as YOUR TIME to work out with them. It does wonders.)
- Try cutting junk out. (You don't have to be as drastic as my Elimination Diet, but try cutting one junk food out at a time. Start maybe with pop the first week. And then the next week you'll cut pop and cheese. (Cheese and dairy are huge calorie counters! I know it's hard to give cheese up, but I think it's worth a try). And then keep adding things each week for a month or two. I think your results will be better than you'd expect.)
- Be honest. Be realistic. (Don't lie to yourself or set too high of expectations for yourself. This really isn't about winning or failing a goal. This is about: how serious do you really want to be about your weight/health? I think if you keep asking yourself that, you'll get better results than when you're scrambling to get to the gym every day for 2 hours or setting a goal to be a size 0.)
- Start with carbs in the morning, and finish with protein before bed. (Now, please don't eat a sirloin steak before you brush your teeth and cuddle with your pillow, but do eat some form of protein before you sleep. That way, your metabolism works throughout the night rather than starving till morning. I just ate a small can of tuna at about 10:00.)
- Be positive about yourself! (The more you bash yourself and the way you look, the harder it's going to be to actually change your habits. I found that once I decided to look at myself in a positive way, it was so much easier to be positive about my new diet, even though it was hard. I'm the Queen of Low Self Esteem, so trust me when I say it's easier said than done. But just try to be happy with who you are. You're beautiful no matter how much you weigh or how many calories you consume in a day.)
Well, that's all I've got for now! I'm excited to add to that list and continue sharing my new season's experiences with you this summer. And if you're going to change your lifestyle a little bit like I have, let me know! I want to help keep you accountable and see how you're doing as well! It'll be cool to see what the results will be for us in a few months. :)
Peace.
-kelsey
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Is It Summer Yet?
Oh boy, I can't tell you how many times I've heard the phrase Is it summer yet?! in the past week or two. Today is an absolutely gorgeous day, which brings hope to the fact that summer is indeed on its way. When it gets so beautiful out, it gets so much harder to stay inside to finish papers and projects. I can't imagine how hard it is going to be once the grass gets greener. I love green grass...and sunglasses...and sandals...
But until summer comes, spring deserves to be enjoyed and school must be...endured. Right now I know every college student is feeling the agony of knowing that the light at the end of the tunnel (summer) is just barely visible behind the piles and piles of things we need to get done in the next month. However, I know that we will all survive this, and hopefully spring will be more of an encouragement of joy and peace, rather than a distraction.
My mom is an amazing person. Seriously, living without her is not possible, and she inspires me all the time with her life. Right now she's going through the same things I am, except she's got it way harder than I do: she's preparing to graduate from Grad school at St. Cloud State in early May, she has a pre-teen and a teenager to keep up with at home, she's been in touch with my health and the issues there more than it seems I have been, and she's got an amazing yet difficult job to do at the St. Cloud Children's Home. I'd tell you to go ask her about her busy life, but I think you'd better wait to chat with her until after graduation. :) Although, I'm gonna go ahead and encourage you, whoever you are reading this, to send my mom a little bit of encouragement (hint, she LOVES Starbucks...), whether that's an anonymous cup of coffee or an email or a voicemail.
Anyway, my mom inspires me every day. When I think that school or life is just getting to be too much to handle, I have to think of my mom, and then I sit back and think, "I've got it easy!" I know she can understand a lot of what I'm going through this spring. And I'm proud of her. She's handling everything and more than I am. I know that every time I say to myself or my friends, "Is it summer yet?" she's probably thinking the same thing.
So, for all of you who feel like they're "up to their neck" in stress, this is David relating to you a little bit:
But until summer comes, spring deserves to be enjoyed and school must be...endured. Right now I know every college student is feeling the agony of knowing that the light at the end of the tunnel (summer) is just barely visible behind the piles and piles of things we need to get done in the next month. However, I know that we will all survive this, and hopefully spring will be more of an encouragement of joy and peace, rather than a distraction.
My mom is an amazing person. Seriously, living without her is not possible, and she inspires me all the time with her life. Right now she's going through the same things I am, except she's got it way harder than I do: she's preparing to graduate from Grad school at St. Cloud State in early May, she has a pre-teen and a teenager to keep up with at home, she's been in touch with my health and the issues there more than it seems I have been, and she's got an amazing yet difficult job to do at the St. Cloud Children's Home. I'd tell you to go ask her about her busy life, but I think you'd better wait to chat with her until after graduation. :) Although, I'm gonna go ahead and encourage you, whoever you are reading this, to send my mom a little bit of encouragement (hint, she LOVES Starbucks...), whether that's an anonymous cup of coffee or an email or a voicemail.
Anyway, my mom inspires me every day. When I think that school or life is just getting to be too much to handle, I have to think of my mom, and then I sit back and think, "I've got it easy!" I know she can understand a lot of what I'm going through this spring. And I'm proud of her. She's handling everything and more than I am. I know that every time I say to myself or my friends, "Is it summer yet?" she's probably thinking the same thing.
So, for all of you who feel like they're "up to their neck" in stress, this is David relating to you a little bit:
Save me, O God,
for the waters have come up to my neck.
for the waters have come up to my neck.
But I pray to you, LORD,
in the time of your favor;
in your great love, O God,
answer me with your sure salvation.
in the time of your favor;
in your great love, O God,
answer me with your sure salvation.
Rescue me from the mire,
do not let me sink;
deliver me [...]
from the deep waters.
do not let me sink;
deliver me [...]
from the deep waters.
Answer me, LORD, out of the goodness of your love;
in your great mercy turn to me.
in your great mercy turn to me.
I will praise God’s name in song
and glorify him with thanksgiving.
-Psalm 69:1, 13, 14, 16, 30
and glorify him with thanksgiving.
Friday, March 25, 2011
New Directions
Okay, okay, I know. Call me a nerd or a "Gleek," but I just titled my blog post after the name of the Glee Club in one of the most popular shows on TV right now, Glee. I never miss an episode. And although many elements of the show aren't ideas I necessarily stand by, I really do enjoy the music and the encouraging message of the show. The latest episode was especially moving as Rachel composed her own song and performed it for Regionals. The context of her song is a little bit different than the context of my life, but I still related to the song and was incredibly moved by her performance. Again, I know how nerdy that sounds. But in the past 8 months or so, I've felt some of the same emotions this song presents: defeat, worthlessness, desperation, confusion, wanting someone to notice, asking "what now?" and failure. It's called, "Get it Right," and I'm gonna let you listen for yourself.
I've had...a rough sophomore year of College. But it's not over.
I have a chance to finish out this year right. I have the choice to make my life better. I have the ability to do my schoolwork and go to class. I have the willpower to get up every morning and thank God for Crown College while I'm still there. I have the courage to confront my fears and be honest with people I've hurt (and that is a lot of fears and a whole lot of people).
I'm nearing the end of my Spring Break and I've done a few things this week that have really given me an edge to make things happen in a healthy way in my life. And the week isn't even over yet. I still have people to see, conversations to have, and hard things to admit to myself. But I'm choosing not to do something from here on: run.
On my High School cross country team, I was not a top athlete or a Top 10 runner. However, I've always loved running more than any other physical activity, and I had gotten pretty good at it by the time I graduated High School. After graduating, I didn't join a team or even run on my own anymore (which...might explain the "Freshman 25" I experienced...) but I did start recognizing a different kind of running that I had been getting really good at. I've come to see how incredible I am at running from things that are hard; things that I'm afraid of or just simply CAN avoid. If it can be avoided, it will be. That's what I've been doing almost my whole life. I trained myself really well, almost to the point of not even realizing it when it happens.
Eventually all that running caught up with me. And it exploded in my face. I ran away, and in the end opened up a lot of hurt on the people around me.
I've been realizing something. Here it is: how can I truly say that I have deep connections...true friendships with people if all I do is avoid hard stuff with them? Almost all of my relationships thus far have been surfacey, or one-sided, where I established trust with people to where they trusted me with their lives and their emotions (good, bad, ugly, and all else) but I didn't trust anyone with my own.
"I can handle myself. I'm independent. I don't need anyone to 'fix' me or help me."
What kind of relationship is that?! Me pretending like I care about people, while the people who TRULY care about me are the people I keep at arms' length? Why is it so easy to push the people you're closest to as far away from you as possible?
Because real relationships are hard. They expose hurt.
And I was afraid of that. I didn't want people to see the real, muddy, low, icky condition of my heart, therefore, if I pretend to be someone else, they'll actually love me. (And I've already established the idea of pretending to be someone else in an earlier post.)
So I'm going in a new direction. I'm done being someone else. I'm done keeping people at arms' length. I'm tired of running. I'm new. I'm me.
So, with a new haircut, a new pair of glasses, a new attitude, and a new heart, I'm ready to start giving up control. God has my running shoes. It's like that scene in Runaway Bride when Julia Roberts hands over her running shoes to Richard Gere so that she can actually marry him and be with him. I'm ready to actually start my life, and I'm so excited about a new direction.
Encouragement is key. I can encourage myself all day long, but you have a part in this too.
I need you.
I need to begin to form real relationships with people. Especially those I've been "closest to" for years. I'm sorry I haven't been honest with you. I'm sorry I lied to you. I'm sorry I ran from you.
This new haircut is the symbol of a new direction...let's go that way together.
2 Corinthians 5:17
I've had...a rough sophomore year of College. But it's not over.
I have a chance to finish out this year right. I have the choice to make my life better. I have the ability to do my schoolwork and go to class. I have the willpower to get up every morning and thank God for Crown College while I'm still there. I have the courage to confront my fears and be honest with people I've hurt (and that is a lot of fears and a whole lot of people).
I'm nearing the end of my Spring Break and I've done a few things this week that have really given me an edge to make things happen in a healthy way in my life. And the week isn't even over yet. I still have people to see, conversations to have, and hard things to admit to myself. But I'm choosing not to do something from here on: run.
On my High School cross country team, I was not a top athlete or a Top 10 runner. However, I've always loved running more than any other physical activity, and I had gotten pretty good at it by the time I graduated High School. After graduating, I didn't join a team or even run on my own anymore (which...might explain the "Freshman 25" I experienced...) but I did start recognizing a different kind of running that I had been getting really good at. I've come to see how incredible I am at running from things that are hard; things that I'm afraid of or just simply CAN avoid. If it can be avoided, it will be. That's what I've been doing almost my whole life. I trained myself really well, almost to the point of not even realizing it when it happens.
Eventually all that running caught up with me. And it exploded in my face. I ran away, and in the end opened up a lot of hurt on the people around me.
I've been realizing something. Here it is: how can I truly say that I have deep connections...true friendships with people if all I do is avoid hard stuff with them? Almost all of my relationships thus far have been surfacey, or one-sided, where I established trust with people to where they trusted me with their lives and their emotions (good, bad, ugly, and all else) but I didn't trust anyone with my own.
"I can handle myself. I'm independent. I don't need anyone to 'fix' me or help me."
What kind of relationship is that?! Me pretending like I care about people, while the people who TRULY care about me are the people I keep at arms' length? Why is it so easy to push the people you're closest to as far away from you as possible?
Because real relationships are hard. They expose hurt.
And I was afraid of that. I didn't want people to see the real, muddy, low, icky condition of my heart, therefore, if I pretend to be someone else, they'll actually love me. (And I've already established the idea of pretending to be someone else in an earlier post.)
So I'm going in a new direction. I'm done being someone else. I'm done keeping people at arms' length. I'm tired of running. I'm new. I'm me.
So, with a new haircut, a new pair of glasses, a new attitude, and a new heart, I'm ready to start giving up control. God has my running shoes. It's like that scene in Runaway Bride when Julia Roberts hands over her running shoes to Richard Gere so that she can actually marry him and be with him. I'm ready to actually start my life, and I'm so excited about a new direction.
Encouragement is key. I can encourage myself all day long, but you have a part in this too.
I need you.
I need to begin to form real relationships with people. Especially those I've been "closest to" for years. I'm sorry I haven't been honest with you. I'm sorry I lied to you. I'm sorry I ran from you.
This new haircut is the symbol of a new direction...let's go that way together.
2 Corinthians 5:17
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